About a year ago I met someone. He lives nearly 700 miles away, so we hardly get to spend time together. I graduate college in two years, he graduated three years ago and has a strong job.
My heart patters when I hear his voice, and I get butterflies when I think of him. I truly believe he's the one. I love him so much my heart wants to leap out of my chest. When I hear his voice, it calms all of my fears. He is the most wonderful gentleman I have ever met, and actually ranks up there with my father!! (2nd to daddy of course, but he's up there!) He is extremely intelligent, family oriented, and has a strong faith - the three most important things in the world to me.
Shortly before we saw each other again, I was diagnosed with temporary facial paralysis. I was extremely self-conscious and embarrassed. But he told me I was beautiful, and said bells palsy can't touch the beauty I have in my mind and my heart.
So what could the problem possibly be? I am absolutely terrified! I have been independent for all these years and now I feel like I have turned into mush. Should I tell him how much I feel for him, or just keep saying, "let's see where it'll go"? I have tried to forget him, or stop these feelings, but it's impossible.
Do you have any advice for this love-struck woman?
Sorry for my ramblings.
First you must be under a doctor's care and take care of that palsy. Many years ago my friend had the same problem. It came on as a result of a bad cold. However, it took some time but she did recover. The best to you.
Now -- this young man -- I think you are a wise lady telling him, "we'll see what happens." You still have to finish your college program and I can tell you from experience it is a must. I had a similar experience when I was in college and when "he" said to me, "I am going to marry you" I laughed and said, "I have two more years in college." And his answer was, "That's OK - we'll wait." I saw him once a month but I got lots of letters and phone calls.
Three years later we got married and had a wonderful marriage.
The same to you.
How do I get my 58-year-old husband to go to the doctor? He smokes, doesn't exercise and seems to be really tired lately and I worry he has heart problems.
I think your husband is a big baby. But babies must be nurtured and led. Tell him when a man reaches a certain age - plus 55 - he owes it to his family and himself to have an annual physical. If there is nothing wrong - GREAT. If there is something that needs checking like an annual cardiogram - a sugar check up and very important - a prostate checkup, he should be man enough to get these done. If you have a doctor who is reliable - call and make the appointment. Let on that his health insurance policy needs it.
You might compare him to a car - maybe a BMW or Jaguar. A valuable car needs periodic checkups and he is that valuable to you and your family and should get this most important exam. His family and you cannot afford to lose him - "YOU are our most important asset and we love you. SO PLEASE."
P.S. Does he have health insurance? If not - get it. Let me know how you made out.
Congratulations on your 88 years and this wonderful website.
My request is for your advice on getting older. I am 57 and life has certainly taken a turn. I used to play tennis, racquetball, softball, volleyball, go canoe and kayaking, and take hiking and back packing trips. I used to dance till the early morning hours and still work all day. I was very active in several social groups. I traveled quite a bit all over the world.
In 1981 I made a move from a cold climate to a very warm climate and made a drastic change in work. I used to stand and walk and be physically active, and I now sit in front of a computer much of the day. I take three walking breaks a day, about one mile each. My evening walk is two miles before dinner.
I am not completely retired yet. I still work part time at home doing bookkeeping. I go out once in a while, but nothing like I used to. I sew a lot for myself as well as for a quadriplegic friend of mine. I draw and paint a little for recreation.
Since my move I have gained weight and grown discouraged. I am emotionally much older than my years. Do you have any suggestions for us women without families who are now approaching the golden years? To me they seem a little gray.
Dear Old Crone,
After such a busy life I would think you would be glad to do something less taxing - like the computer. But then again once active you want to be active no matter what the age. But I think for a change of pace why don't you become interested in some charity. If you were to choose children you would feel young again. It is a very rewarding experience - the children's smiles will be your smiles and you will be accomplishing a great deal. I see that you are already helping elderly people which is very good.
You seem to be a pretty well rounded person - you exercise - paint - work - do you go the theater? Join an organization - you will meet a lot of people and they will certainly keep you busy and I am sure you will meet a lot of people and go as a group to a lot of places.
Give it a try and stay young.
I have a friend who thinks she's very attractive and that everyone is in love with her. However I know for a fact that none of these people like her. She's pretty but not as pretty as she thinks she is. What should I do? It needs to be subtle.
I should know a little more about this girl who thinks that she is the prettiest and you say "not quite the prettiest" but pretty. Being pretty is in the eyes of the beholder and if people regard her as pretty, so what? I would judge a person the way I look at that person and let it go at that. I'm sure that people look at you and know that you are a pretty girl and I am sure you are. Let this girl dream of being pretty and you can know that you are pretty. It is more important to be pretty on the inside because that is what shines out and will really impress people. I would say, Be Yourself and everyone will love you.
I can see your smiling face right now. Be happy.
My 28-year-old husband has been using one of those anti-balding medications for a few years since his hair started thinning. Lately it hasn't been working as well. There is a spot in the back that is getting quite thin, but he doesn't know it because he can't see it in the mirror. I know other people are noticing it too so it's just a matter of time before he realizes it (his family will be quick to point it out) and he would hate to think that people had been noticing it for a while before him. I think a different haircut might make it look better.
So should I tell him about it and suggest a different cut, or let him live in ignorant bliss a while longer? I don't want him to think that I mind if he goes bald.
In a hairy situation,
Have you ever heard that expression, "bald men are the best lovers"? When I was young that was a set phrase.
I know there are a lot of ointments and gels that are supposed to cover up bald spots. But did you ever think -- if it really helped, the firms selling this "stuff" would soon go out of business -- there would be no bald heads any more.
I am sure that your husband knows of that little sparse spot but doesn't want to tell you about it. However, you could if you want to suggest that he try a different hair style. I see men who wear their hair long in the back. Did you ever watch TV and just lately notice Donald Trump? His hair is quite long over the top of his ears and on the back of his head. Maybe it is his style and maybe he too has a spot to hide.
My grandson also has a thinning spot and his hair was so curly but it runs in his maternal grandmothers family -- so what? We love him and I am sure you love your husband too. If that is your only problem with him -- just love him and let nature take its course. It will anyway.
I'm 23 years old, single, and in med school. I'm a nice, witty girl when I'm with my friends. I have a pretty good sense of humor. I'm interested in contemporary literature, movies, and the wild outdoors. However, I find it hard to have casual conversations with people who aren't medical professionals because they're pretty much "in the real world" and I'm still not. School has taken over my life, and my free time is spent either sleeping or contemplating my lonely singlehood.
My good friend is getting married next month. I'm happy she found the right man, but I envy her. I'm hoping I'll meet a potential boyfriend at her wedding (it's probably the only social function I'll get to attend in a long time). I don't think I'm very attractive physically, although I could try to win someone over with my personality. I'm apprehensive because I seem dull when I'm with new people.
I hope you can give me some tips on personality development. Thanks. Love your blog, by the way.
Lonely and Lifeless, MD 2006
Hi MD or future there of,
I can't see anything wrong with you. Don't worry about being an "Old Maid" at 23. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Personally I think 23 is too young to be married - a boyfriend - yes - but not married. You are absolutely doing the right thing when you concentrate on your studies. It's not easy to become a doctor but if that is what you want - let it be your prime objective.
Boys at 23 are still a little immature and I think you are beyond that. Still, it is nice to have companionship with young men. Do you spend time in labs with some "guys"? - get to know them - start the conversations without being forward. Talk about your plans for the future - what field are you interested in - are there get-togethers on campus? If so, go to them on weekends.
When I was in college I worked hard during the week because I made up my mind to be "tops" but I did take advantage of fun on the weekend. Don't shut yourself off (except before exam time.) I can tell you when you graduate - your grades mean a lot and the right people (your teachers mean a lot). Right now go out - meet the "guys" and have fun.
Don't knock your looks. I'm sure your personality and smile will take you far.
Good luck on a wonderful future.
Bubby's got her own store!
I have a friend that I have known for 9 years. We were very close and even called ourselves sisters. But lately we have distanced out and haven't talked much. I do miss talking to her about our lives, but for the past few years our conversations revolve around "guys" (I think this is where the problem lies). I have discovered that my friend is "boyfriend dependent," and unfortunately it hasn't been with the right boys.
I don't know how to tell her what her problem is, and I'm afraid that she is too wrapped up in her own world to care. I no longer feel the same connection that we had, and when we talk on the phone now it feels like we have nothing to say.
Can you help me, Bubby, help my sister? I really miss the "good old days."
I think you and your friend are aging a little different. She is ahead of you when it comes to "boy talk" but I think in no time at all you will also be talking about the opposite sex. It's very natural. Just you wait and see.
I remember that I felt that way a long time ago. My sister was only 15 months older than me. We shared our thoughts together - we slept in the same bed - and one day everything changed. She talked about the boys and I talked about playing "kid stuff" games. And then one day a new boy moved in to our neighborhood and all I talked about was this boy compared to the other boys. It sneaks up on you and you start to mature. So don't worry about it - you will still remain friends. My sister and I did and when it was time to go to college - we went together and were closer than ever.
Keep your old friend - an old friend is a best friend. When you get on in years you will reminisce about all this.
Bubby's website was reviewed in USA Today!
I have just started a romantic relationship with a wonderful man. I like him very much and have just one concern: he has some grooming issues -- nothing a quick trim of his nose and ears and eyebrows couldn't remedy. This is a very sensitive issue, as you can imagine, and I don't want him to think I am rushing in to change him or criticize him. This is very minor in the scheme of things and I can get past it, but I wondered if I should raise the subject, and if so, when?
Thanks for your advice.
Your complaint of this young man you are seeing is very minor. I do think you should choose the right moment and you might use your father as an example. Tell him that when your father goes to the barbershop or (perhaps he goes to a men's grooming establishment) they always clip his nose and ear hairs. Then very innocently you ask " do they do that when you go for a haircut?" That will make him start thinking about his grooming and will do something about it. I am surprised that a young man has that problem. It is usually the problem older men have to deal with.
So here's for a good looking guy.
Bubby's got her own store!
I am a 16 year old sophomore. I like this junior at my school. We have the same interests and talk quite a bit online and a little in person also. One night we spent almost 3 hours talking.
A lot of my friends know that I like him. One of my friends cautioned me not to get obsessed, so I have kept my promise, and just concentrated on being friends with him. However a week ago I found out that two of the friends I told about my "crush" were persuading him to ask another girl to the prom. I got very disappointed and felt a bit betrayed, but thought nothing of it.
I continued to become better friends with my "crush" and finally convinced myself that I should let him know I liked him. I gathered up my courage, but then chickened out. I tried again the next day, but I didn't find an opportune moment to get him alone. Then that night I found out that he asked the other girl to go to prom. I was crushed. That feeling of betrayal strengthened, even though I know I shouldn't feel betrayed. I know my two friends only wanted to help their other friend, but I can't help feeling disappointed.
Every time I talk to my "crush" I feel more and more strongly about him. I enjoy his humor and his sarcasm. He has a temper that matches my own and he intrigues me all around. I find his faults as much a part of his character as his attributes, and I admire him greatly. I don't know how I should handle this situation. I don't expect you to know exactly how to handle this, but any advice you have for me would be greatly appreciated. Should I talk to my two friends? Or the other friend? Should I say anything to my "crush"? I'm terribly confused.
Awaiting anxiously for a reply,
First of all -- I don't see that you have true friends in these other girls. If they were really interested in you they would make sure your "crush" would take you to the prom. Now it is too late.
However If I were you and you are so friendly with him, I would tell him (as in a Joke): How come you did not ask me to the prom?
Nothing wrong in that -- you want to know where you stand with him. By his answer you will know if you should find yourself another "crush" and forget about him. If he is truly sorry, he will apologize and the air will be cleared and you will be the same old buddies.
A word of caution -- FIND ANOTHER 'CRUSH' and make him jealous.
Bubby's got her own store!
I am a 26 year old law student and I also work full time. I have a lot of responsibilities and I have handled them all fairly well and maturely. Until now...
This week in class we had to present oral arguments based on a paper we wrote. The 12-minute format is that you begin your argument and judges interject with questions. Tonight my class had a practice session. Since I did well on the paper and knew all the material, I figured my argument would fall into place.
But when I got up behind the podium I was stuttering, nervous and awkward. The judges asked me questions that I couldn't answer. I froze. Bubby, I totally absolutely froze like an icicle. Then I started melting and my eyes started tearing and before I knew it -- after several painful moments of silence and paper fumbling... I ran out of the classroom crying.
Bubby this is absurd! I'm a grown woman who is confident, intelligent and a perfectionist. But like a three year old I cried and ran away. Thank goodness this was just practice, but I still have to make my real argument on Sunday. I've started practicing by standing at a homemade podium made from my ironing board and watching myself in the mirror. But I just keep thinking that my glasses are crooked or my hair is messy or my lips are funny or people will think I'm stupid and ugly and shouldn't be in law school and then I'll have to live in a van down by the river and sell used cars.
In high school I was on debate teams and I was really good at it. But I seem to have lost it entirely. Bubby do you have any suggestions on how I can regain my confidence and self respect and not let one hard question send me running to my teddy bear?
Legal laughing stock.
Dear Legal Laughing Stock,
Cheer up. You must be at least the one millionth or more who had the same experience that you just described. When you lose a fight you get up, dust yourself off and get right into the fight again. And that is what you do in a fight or a law challenge. You should spend more time on preparation so that you can remember your arguments in your sleep.
BE PREPARED. Think of yourself in court as you are questioned -- be more than ready to answer. And that comes only by review, review, study and more review and study. Don't let your audience scare you -- you are up front and they are down there. They can't touch you. When you are the object that everyone is watching -- just make sure you are comfortably dressed and you are sure of your arguments. You are never over-prepared. Have confidence.
I'm sorry you left in such a state but remember it's only school and that is why you are there to iron out all your problems. I think being an attorney is a wonderful profession. It really gives you an insight in life. And you will be a success -- YOU'LL SEE--
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I am 22, in my first year of medical school, and have been dating a very nice young man (age 23) for a year. He just got a good job that will be very far from where I am in school. I'm sad because I won't be able to see him as often. Bubby, first year of medical school has been incredibly hard. And now that he's moving, I don't know how to successfully navigate our long-distance relationship while being in medical school at the same time. I am already drained of energy.
I do love him, and I'd like to be happy for him...but I don't think I'll be able to make as much time for him if he moves away. Am I over reacting? Why didn't he think about me before he decided to get a job so far away? What should I do?
Thank you for listening,
I think that first you must make up your mind - do you want him or do you want to get your Medical degree? At this time in your life you can't have both. But it seems to me that you should apply yourself to your chosen profession - study hard and achieve your goal. If your relationship with this young man is to grow into something more, distance will not be the issue. He will make the decision for himself and you must make your decision yourself.
Time solves a lot of problems if you give it time. I know you feel as though you are losing a lot now but you are not. You will reach your goal and along the way you will meet many people-male and female who will help you and love will come along. I, too had a distance problem but it all turned out fine after a while and yours will too.
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I've been searching for jobs recently and have come across a few positions that interest me. However, many require that I relocate to another state or even another country. The pay is a lot more than what I make now and I would gain a lot of experience if I did get hired. I am a single female with no kids (almost 26) and can afford to relocate.
The only thing holding me down is that I would be far away from my family. I am very close to my sisters and my parents. I live on my own but see them every week. I look forward to spending time with them, sharing meals with them, and knowing what is going on in their lives. We already have a brother that joined the military and moved cross country. I don't know how my family would handle another one of us leaving.
My question to you is, is it worth uprooting yourself, your life, and your stability, for a job? Is it worth leaving your family behind and starting a new life with nothing else besides the promise of more money? Bubby, I am really torn by these options and I don't know what I should/want to do. Can you please guide me to hopefully make a correct decision?
Keep in mind, I don't have the job just yet...
Thanks for listening,
I think it would be a good idea to consult your brother since he is in the military and is certainly away from home and committed to the service. He should be able to give you good advice. If this job is in the field that would help your career and is in this country, I would say give it a try - if you can sustain yourself for a period of time. I would not recommend taking a job overseas -- east or west. The world is very unstable at this time and I would not put the money aspect ahead of what you have now - a happy family and a good job and independenceance of having your own apartment.
I think you should try to meet other people and build friendships. It seems to me that you are a clever young lady and that is the best way to get rid of some boredom. If you want a better job, why don't you go to a "Head Hunter" firm, present your resume and let them find you a better job.
Just remember: money is round and can roll either away from you or to you. Do you want happiness or money?
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I'm a non-observant and faith-less Jew trying to celebrate Passover. Can you please explain to me why this night is different from all other nights...in a way that is meaningful to me?
G-dless in the garden state
Dear G-dless in the garden state,
There is a lot in the telling of the Passover story but I will try to give you some thoughts. If you are Jewish you should feel Jewish and enjoy this happy holiday.
Passover is the spring festival observed for eight days by eating Matzah and abstaining from chametz (leavened bread). It recalls for us the Exodus from Egypt and the redemption from bondage. The name is derived from Exodus 12, telling of the "passing over" -- the sparing of the houses of the Israelites when the first-born of Egypt were smitten.
The first two nights are celebrated with the family around the table participating in an elaborate feast called the Seder, in which the story of the Haggadah (story of freedom) is repeated. The eating of bitter herbs (maror) symbolizes the bitterness of the past but the drinking of the four cups of wine represents the Jewish hope and faith, joy in liberation and freedom. Passover is thus to us an annual and eternal symbol of liberty.
Children are anxious to participate in the telling of the story by asking the various questions about sitting, eating the herbs, and why this night is different from all other nights. This gives children food for thought and the head of the table answers all the questions so that the children will always remember that they are Jewish and be happy. They are part of the whole.
Have any more questions? Ask and you shall be answered. That is how we gain knowledge.
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Our second Seder this year which was just as nice as the first. I really enjoyed both - being with all of my family and this year our newest grand grandson.
I began to reminisce all the previous Passovers I had - some good - some better - some sad, but always together. When I was a little girl my Mother took me to town and bought me a new outfit - dress, maryjane shoes and everything else I needed to be dressed for the holiday.
My task for the preparation was to rinse all the glassware for three days so they would be kosher for the Seders. I liked that because it gave me the time to splash in the water -- what fun!
I always volunteered to open the door for Elijah and I would tell my family he smiled as he came into the house. And I saw he was wearing white pants. That made me feel very special.
But alas I grew up and time came that I lost both my Mother and Mother-in-law a few days before the Seders. Then I felt the great loss and it is with me to this very day.
When the snow melted and I would go out to our yard and I would see the birds singing and the flowers and trees starting to bloom, I was so happy - summer will soon be here.
And now many years have passed and I am a Great Grandmother and I thank the good Lord that he has smiled on me so that I see my children, my grand children and now I am blessed with great grandchildren. G-d has surely smiled on me and I am grateful.
My boyfriend (age 23) and I (age 19) have been dating for 8 months and live together. He says he wants to go with me to college, marry me, and all those permanent things. This all seems rather romantic, but its scary as well! He's had 5 more years of life, he's been to college, had fun on his 21st birthday - all the rights of passage I have yet to even reach. I'm worried that staying with him or dragging him to college with me will hamper me in the end and make me regret missing out on being young and foolish. But at the same time I know we can't temporarily cut off the relationship and then start up again when I'm older.
Do you have any suggestions? Thanks bunches Bubby!
Sincerely, A Silly Girl
Dear Silly Girl,
At least you named yourself right. At nineteen you are still a kid and you should not have any "relationships." You should be mixing with a lot of other friends and getting to know and understand their personalities. As for taking him to college with you -- that's a joke. You have to be free to meet other young girls and boys and maybe as you spend four years at school you will then meet someone better for you.
Don't tie yourself down at 19 with a young man of 23. He has to grow up too. What will he do sitting around the campus waiting for you to come out of class? Forget it. Go to school -- prepare for your future -- and the right one will come along when the time is right. I would hate to think of you tying yourself down at 19. There is more than that in life.
Afraid your brother-in-law will drink as much wine as Elijah?
Finding too many crumbs in the Haggadah from last year's seder?
E-mail your Passover questions to Bubby this week...
I have a dilemma. I want to tell a friend how I feel about him but I don't know if I should.
We have a wee bit of history together. We dated in college and again about 5 years later. Both times I broke it off. The second time was because I wanted to get married and he wasn’t moving fast enough for me so I married another guy. It did not turn out well. I have been divorced for about 5 years. Off and on I have thought about ‘him’ and finally made contact with him in January. He is not married and is unattached. He moved back to town after his father passed away in December and is trying to get things in order so that he can sell his boyhood home.
We have been seeing each other, as friends, for over a month now. Lots of laughs! We speak on the phone and see each other on the weekend. Sometimes he comes over and I cook then we watch a movie. Each time we have dated, I was the one who initiated the romance. He is very shy.
I guess my question is: Should I tell him how I feel and possibly ruin a good friendship? We speak about our old romances together often and in a good way. Or should I give him some more time to straighten things out and not complicate his life?
I feel very strongly about him but I don’t want to push but I don’t know how much longer I can wait, I want to know where this is going. Obviously, patience is not one of my virtues. He is the one I should have married 10 years ago.
Thank you for your help.
Some things never get easier.
Dear Some things never get easier,
Too bad that you wasted 10 years but I think that if you get too "pushy" you will lose this man. You might talk about your futures and you will find out from him what he plans to do in the future but I would not ask too many questions. Be his friend for now and see what it brings you. I know that you don't want to lose him so play it cool. Be sympathetic to his problems and discuss some of your own thoughts with him but don't talk about a relationship or marriage at this stage.
Do you have children? Did he ever have plans for marriage? It seems to me if you enjoy his company for now be satisfied.
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