I just became a new grandmother. I've never loved like this before. My baby granddaughter is the only little girl born on either side of our family.
This little girl has my heart. This has brought new life into our hearts, and new ambitions also.
All grandmothers must surely understand this... Do you?
A New Bubby
Dear New Bubby,
You have a right to be so happy. I remember when my first grandchild was born. It seemed that he was the only grandchild in the world - the first on both sides. He grew up to be a fine man and has three little girls of his own. He is a wonderful father and I can only wish you the same good fortune he has - a beautiful wife, wonderful healthy children and a good job.
Much love and happiness to the new offspring and to your whole family.
Bubby was mentioned in the July/August issue of the AARP Magazine ("The World's Largest Circulation Magazine"). You can also read it online here.
Good morning Bubby,
I had a deep discussion with my fiance about planning for our marriage in the near future. Originally the date had been set for June 2nd 2007, but we postponed it for many reasons. He requested that I do not bring up that "marriage" topic until he is ready. In my opinion, he should not have proposed to me if he had no intentions of marrying me; however he insisted that he does wants to, but not this year or next year, and has no set dates... not even an estimate of how many years. Mind you, I have been honest about what I desire in life before we pursued this relationship further, and he accepted it.
Now this had driven me further from him and built this wall of protection between us. We have fun together and communicate well with each other. This is the man I want to marry and he told me that he wants to have a life with me, but not marriage at this point. It seems like a contradiction in my view, but he saw marriage as pressure. We live together, and I have expressed my concerns that he is becoming too comfortable with idea of us living together (why buy a cow when you have milk for free?)
How can I communicate to him how I truly feel without him getting defensive? I even brought up the topic of me living on my own, but he saw that as a threat whereas I saw it as opportunity to either want it or discard it.
Anything from you will help...
Lost In Love
Dear Lost In Love,
I think that this guy likes getting his milk for nothing. I think that as long as he's getting what he wants, why should he take on the responsibility that something like that would really entail?
I don't see any future with him. I think you should drop him, or find a way to make him jealous. I think he's just having a good time, getting what he wants, and has no intention of marrying. It has nothing to with finances.
I think you are young and vibrant and at the age when you should be having a better commitment and looking forward to marriage. And when he keeps putting it off, he's getting what he wants without being married.
I think you should find another young man. There are plenty of fish in the sea. You're attractive and you can certainly find one.
Let me know how it works out!
I am 12 years old and I am in the sixth grade. There are two sixth grade classes. I am in one and a girl I really like is in the other. I've liked this girl for about 6 months now, but I am not sure if she likes me.
At first I knew that she liked me because her friend told me that she did, and she was standing behind her friend, all shaky and nervous. Also she has given me a few things (indirectly) that also made me think that she did like me. For example, I got a card from her that said, "Do you want to be my valentine?"
The bad thing is that, some people, including my friends, think that this is a fib. But I don't believe them. Also, she has been acting kind of mean to me, while her face turns kind of red.
Does my crush have a crush on me too, or is it a fib? I need to know!!!
Dear Nervous Boy,
Well, 12 years old and in the sixth grade? I think you may have a crush on her, and you may not have a crush on her. I think you should strike up a conversation with her at recess and invite her to have ice cream or a soda with you and that will break the ice. She can't invite you, but you can certainly invite her. And then you will know if she likes you and you will know if she's really the girl you want to be friends with.
At 12 years old, there will be plenty of other girls before you are eligible for marriage. How will a person know if someone else cares, unless there is some sign for caring? Invite her out for candy or soda. But you should approach her. Take the initiative if you would like to be friendly with her.
Say, "Would you like to join me?" and you can get to know one another. Maybe you'll take her out and you'll decide you don't like her at all. One never knows.
Good luck, and let me know it turns out,
Please settle an argument.
A distant relative of my wife's is getting married and they sent us an invitation. We are not attending this cross-country event but my wife feels we should send a gift. I don't think we should because we never talk to this distant relative (not since they were kids) and we didn't send our wedding invitation to them. They didn't even know where we live. They got our address from my in-laws.
I feel they are sending out as many invitations as possible to receive as many gifts as possible. Should we send a gift to this relative we barely know and probably will never see again?
Dear Unwanted Invite,
I can understand that and I can sympathize with you. But every invitation requires an answer in one kind or another. And this is an invitation to a wedding. So you should send something.
I think that it might be a good idea if you sent some little thing that could be used in the kitchen, or maybe an ashtray, although nobody smokes anymore. Some little thing that is inexpensive but is a nice way of saying, thanks for inviting us.
And it's true, people who are getting married do scrape the bottom of the barrel to invite people, whether you are coming or not. If you are coming, they are very happy to see you.
We once had a comedy record we would listen to called, "Levinsky At The Wedding". There was a joke that went like this: "Your presence is not required, but please send a present."
[Granddaughter's Note: Click here to listen to the actual Levinsky joke that Bubby is referencing]
Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay in posting. Bubby's on a little R&R right now, but she will be back very soon and we will continue to post her advice to you. We've been getting some great new letters from people around the world, and every single one of them is being read. Check back soon for Bubby's responses.
In the meantime, we thought we'd share another update. This one goes way back again, almost a year to the date: June 24, 2005. We posted a letter from Waiting, a young man who recently graduated from art school. Horrors of horrors, he had to move back in with his parents in order to save some money. But aside from his financial woes, this young artist was stuck in a series of "soul-crushing, pointless, mind-dulling odd jobs" and was looking for a way out. His simple question to Bubby was, "What now?"
Ripe with wisdom, Bubby sympathized with this young man. "My, my, you surely had a rough time," she wrote. She advised him to sign up with a professional agency in his field, talk to his old college advisor, and to check the Times everyday for new firms that are hiring. She encouraged, "Keep at it. Those who seek are sure to find."
But wait, the story continues... A few months after that, we decided to help this young artist out once again, and published a link to his new portfolio on Bubby's blog.
Well, it's now one year later, and we received a new letter from our Artist-In-Waiting once again. Aren't you curious to know: Is "Waiting" still in the wings, or is he soaring through to his dreams?
What ever happened to me? Geez, I ask myself that all the time. But you mean in regards to my letter? Got it, okay...
Well, nothing has changed dramatically for me. There's my website, www.stevenphillips.org. I'm getting a little bit of illustration work here and there. Currently I'm freelancing for a crafts design company and I started a little work with a small comics publishing company.
I've managed to save up some money and I'm thinking of moving away from home back to the town where I attended school. I never took the time to travel before or after college, so I think I owe myself that.
Right now (as in, while-I'm-typing-this) I'm try to find a publisher for a fantasy novel I've written. Also in the planning stages is a book of fairy tales I might write and illustrate.
So, I guess the theme here is that I'm sowing my oats like crazy, but I haven't a clue what I'm going to reap.
Never really thought this many people would take an interest in my sob story. Got some positive and negative reaction from my letter, but it was all constructive.
Anyway, thanks for the unexpected help, folks. I suppose the rest is up to me now (he said fearfully).
Cheers and Regards,
If you would like to see your update story posted here, please send Bubby an email today!
We're going way, way... way back for this update.
On July 13th (2004!) - we posted a letter from a 20-year old woman named, Bewildered Friend. At the time she wrote, she was in college and having trouble keeping in touch with her best friend who was still living in their hometown. Then one day she got an email from her friend, announcing she had gotten married. At first Bewildered was hurt not to be invited, but then she got a second email a few weeks later announcing that her friend was pregnant. She wrote to Bubby, "Now I'm just worried about my friend. She dropped out of school to support her new husband, who she's known 8 months." Could Bubby offer a few words to make her feel better?
Well, Bubby certainly could. Point blank, she told Bewildered, "Well, we know what is wrong with her and that is why you were not invited to her wedding." And then she offered an adage that her own mother had given her: "The baby came on time but the wedding was a little late."
Bubby went on to advise that she should not treat her friend as an outcast. She assured her that the young couple could learn to set up housekeeping, and care for their new little baby. She still had a chance to finish college, if she could get the help from her own mother.
Bubby concluded optimistically, "She is adrift now but it's not the end of the world. Cheer her up and ask her to keep in touch with you."
So what's the update? Well, as we were going through our inbox (filled with hundreds and hundreds of letter) we came across Bewildered's update (which we admit she sent last summer). We knew we had to share. So... is Bewildered's best friend still adrift, or has she found her way home?
I don't have an exciting follow-up at all. It's sort of sad and anti-climactic. A few weeks after I wrote, my friend emailed me again to tell me that she'd lost her baby.
We exchanged a few more emails and I think she was handling it okay--of course she was upset, but I think she was working through it. I haven't heard from her since then.
She quit the job and I don't know her new address. I've asked my mother to talk to her mother (since they're friends) about getting me contact information, but I haven't found anything. I've even scoured the internet, but she was never very computer-savvy, so I wasn't surprised when I didn't find any activity from her.
I miss her a lot, and I wish I knew how she is doing, if she's okay, and if her husband is treating her well.
Still a Bit Bewildered
If any of our readers knows what it feels like to miss a close friend, please post your thoughts to Bewildered in the "opinion" space below.
"Help Me, Bubby!" Disclaimer
By submitting a letter to this website, you grant Help Me, Bubby! permission to publish it on this site or elsewhere including print publications. Your letter will only include an anonymous signature that you provide or that we use to substitute for your real name. Your email address will never be included or distributed. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that a letter will be responded to. Any information or advice given at Help Me, Bubby! is not intended to provide an alternative to professional medical treatment or to replace the advice or services of a physician or psychiatrist. Neither Bubby nor her granddaughters are professional therapists or medical experts. If you have any serious medical or mental problem, please consult a professional. Although all this advice is offered lovingly from the heart and in good spirit, we are not responsible in any way for your decision to accept or reject the advice or the results thereafter.