Help Me, Bubby!

Other Bubby Books at Amazon:

Bubby Irma's Kitchen

Yiddish Your Bubbe Never Taught You

Poetry by Jewish Grandaughters

Bubbe & Gram

Bubbe's Kitchen

My Bubbe's Arms

Bubbie & Zeide's Favorite Language

Bennett and His Bubbe's Beau

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Monday, August 28, 2006
Dear Bubby,

First I want to say that I think your website is wonderful! It'’s beautiful to see you lovingly helping so many people out there!! If only there were more people like you out there. I send out much love to you!!!

I'm a 22-year-old male, and for the past 6 years I have been feeling more and more lost in life. I just finished college, majoring in science, and although I loved it at first, I ended college with no interest to pursue a career in the subject. I thought by this point in life, I would have my life sorted out a little more. Most people I know have figured out what they want to do with themselves, they know what type of occupation they want, and they are in long term relationships.

Here I am, with no real direction in life, have never had a solid relationship, and no sure sign of one happening soon (or ever).

I'’ve decided to take a year to travel around. I spent 2 months living in Spain, and will be returning to Europe shortly. I'm hoping that travel will help me learn a lot more about the world, about people, and about myself. And hopefully it will help me find some direction.

My question is: Does direction in life ever come?? How exactly does one find it? My current plan is to wander the planet until I find it. And true love? Does it really exist? Is there really a soul mate for everyone? Does life ever come together?

I really need the advice of somebody who has been in the world long enough to know the nature of it better than I do.

Thanks so much,

Lost Seeker

Dear Lost Seeker,

I think maybe you don't give yourself enough time wherever it is you go. You should put down roots and get to know the people around you.

Take a job where there are lots of people. Maybe a large corporation. And you'll learn to deal with different personalities. Some will be good, some bad, some will have expectations and others will never get off the ground. And you should learn the difference.

Yes, there is a true soul mate. And you will find that it will find you. And one day without hunting, she'll be there. I know. Because I went through it.

Just wait and see. True love will come.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Reader Update

On July 9th, we received a letter from a 14-year old girl who called herself Sad and Confused. Despite the negative moniker, as she explained to Bubby, everything in her life was going great. However, she was still miserable. Most of it, it seemed, stemmed from struggles she felt she was having with her family. She and her mother were fighting, her brother was picking on her, and her father was pushing a bit too hard. That's how she felt, at least. Well, that doesn't sound too off base for the life of a 14-year old. Who hasn't had those struggles?

But like most teenagers, despite their strife, this young girl just wanted to feel the love. She wanted everyone to stop yelling at her. A teacher at school had given her a hug once, and it made her feel like crying. She told Bubby, "I really want my parents to hug me and tell me they love me... I'’ve been trying my best to be a good child, to not disappoint them."

Bubby was sad to hear such a young girl so blue, but offered some suggestions. First, she thought that mother and father and daughter should all sit down and have a good talk. Talking is always a good thing, especially because Bubby knew that deep down they all cared for one another. Second, she thought her brother should learn to mind his own business. And third, Bubby suggested that she talk to her teacher again, and perhaps get some additional help. The teenage years can be so hard!

Most importantly, and perhaps universally, Bubby advised, "Clearing the air now is more important than 'sweeping it under the rug', so to speak."

So a few months have passed, and we are happy to say we received another letter from our reader. But we're sad to say, it doesn't sound like much has improved. At least hearing from Bubby made her realize she's not alone!

Dearest Bubby,

Oh, Thank God you wrote back. I always hoped you would. I always checked back.
I cannot express the relief that I feel that you've responded.

Thank God I'm not alone. Thank god someone will take a unbiased moments to listen to me. Your compassion is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I don't think it's an oncoming train.

Bubby, did you know my heart paused, frozen when I saw the reply from you? I thought surely I was imagining things, it was too good to be true.

Your suggestions are good, but I don't know if I'll be able to talk to my mom about this. I think I would have to talk to her though, to be able to go to a counselor. It is a sticky situation indeed.

Once I tried to go to a counselor at school. I spilled out every feeling that possessed me. She responded by telling me to draw a picture, as she proceeded to take pictures of her new engagement ring on her digital camera and send it to all of her little friends. It was when I was fairly young, but the concept of no one caring hit home that day.

That, Bubby, is why I never thought you'd actually respond.
Your sweet suggestions and kindness are a breath of fresh air.

Thank you.

Your Friend,

Sad and Confused

If you've got some more heart-warming advice for this 14-year old, please share your thoughts in the opinions link below.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
1. Press Update!
We just got a nice note from a woman updating us on Bubby's new newspaper appearance. We weren't able to find it online, but we're happy to know that someone did!

I'm from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and I read about your blog in the newspaper. The name of the journalist who wrote the story is Sergio Maggi. Here is the link:

2. Reader Update!
On November 16, 2005, we received a sad letter from a girl who wondered why she didn't have a boyfriend yet. Only 15 years old, she wondered if there was something wrong with her. Why was everyone else moving on with their lives, but she was left alone? Calling herself Pathetic, she wrote to Bubby, "I want to grow up, be my own person... But something is holding me back inside."

Instead of writing back to this young girl, Bubby recorded her advice to her. This audio post was the first of many that we posted a while back.

Today we thought we'd type up Bubby's advice to Miss Pathetic, and then follow up with her new update. If you'd like to listen along, you can download the mp3!

Hi Ms. Pathetic,

I really felt very sad when I read your tale of woe, because I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You're just feeling your age. And I'm sure there are plenty of young girls and boys that go to school and feel the same way that you do.

And as you get to be 16, and then 17... you'll think, "My, I certainly was a kid at 15!" And you'll gradually develop into a fine young woman.

Good luck.

Well, it took less than a year for our young writer to blossom after all! This month she wrote us a very touching update letter, and we'd like to share it with you today:

Hello again.... Miss Bubby,

I remember the day I sent you my email of desperation. How long ago that, I certainly was a kid at 15!

We always have the ability to surprise ourselves. And my oh my, have I changed. I remember the tale of the ugly duckling that grew into a beautiful swan. It's funny how much that applies to me.

I wish that all young girls/women out there would not waste time on feeling insecure and living up to the pressures of their social lives. Youth is being wasted. Embrace your inner strength, haha.

And guess what, I'm starting to think that maybe I was better off without having to worry about relationships! But even if you don't end up married, or in love, you can meet brilliant people by being confident and social.

So thank you,

Definitely Not Pathetic

Tuesday, August 15, 2006
This Day In History
From The Archives: July 23, 2004

Dear Bubby,

So many people say that "when it's love, you just know." I'm 26 years old, and I've never "just known," which I guess means I've never been in love. I very recently started dating a friend of mine, and my question is - how do you know when you're in love with someone? How do you know when a guy is your bashert?

Thanks so much,
Want to Know

P.S. - Your site is wonderful! I really enjoy reading it.

Dear Want to Know,

Not all marriages are made in heaven but you can get pretty close to it. In your case of 26 I think you have the ability to know when the right man comes along. Do you share the same values? Do you want the same things out of life - are you willing to give up some things for him such as moving to a different location and will he encourage you if you have a career or does he want you to stay at home? There are many more questions that you can think of. Is he considerate of you and shares your laughter and tears with you?

If all of the above are answered correctly for you I would say "He is the one" because these are the things love is made of. If it works out for you and I am sure it will, show him the sparkle in your eyes and smile. Before you know it he will pop the question and I don't mean "what time is it?"

The time is now. Best of everything.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Welcome New Readers
We just got word that Bubby's website was featured in Rio de Janeiro's biggest newspaper. Well, that explains the jump in visitors from Brazil this morning. If that's how you found us, please let us know, since it's news to us. Even better, send us a link to the article.

Dear Bubby,

5 years ago my mom died. Since then I haven't had very much guidance on personal things. My dad doesn't like to talk about things like this so please answer my email.

I am 17 years old, and I think a girl I like likes me. When I am around her I can be myself and she makes me feel great inside. She has a great personality. I am too shy to ask her if she likes me though. How can I find out and how should I go about asking her on a date?

A Shy Guy

Dear Shy Guy,

I am sorry about losing your mother but that is what life is all about - you pick yourself up and go on.

If you like this girl, why don't you ask her to join you for a soda or coffee. If the answer is YES - make up a time with her, pick her up and go. When you are settled you might spend a minute telling her about your mother. Then tell her you like her a lot and everything about her and hope she feels the same about you.

At this point - do not mention LOVE. That is for a later date. If she likes you - she will tell you about herself. If she says nothing, you will know she is not for you. If it goes well - ask for a date to the movies. If she says YES - you are in. If she gives you a lame excuse - she is not interested in you. Give her up.

Don't be shy about being honest.

Good luck.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Dear Bubby,

I am a 25-year old male who has been single for about a year after a relationship that had lasted 7 years.

During that time in the relationship, I never felt the need to make new friends because I was content with the friend I had already had, and never fully developed social skills.

I have a difficult time in crowded places and am always at a loss for words whenever I try to talk to somebody new.

What can I do to better improve? PLEASE HELP!!

Tongue Tied

Dear Tongue Tied,

You wasted a lot of time but it is never to late to start to learn.

I think this girl is a way ahead of you. By 25 you should be able to talk like interviewing for a job or selling or something else. Look into classes in a school who gives these social skills. You will experience an awakening and a new life.

Read books and other publications so you will have something to talk about. Watch other young men as they act in crowds - if you go to parties or other functions go up and introduce yourself and talk because you should have started to learn social skills.

Get help and you will find a new life. Have more than one girl friend - you might also see a psychologist - and learn about yourself. You will gradually become a better person - an interesting one - read the news - always have something worthwhile to talk about.

Remember - he who helps himself becomes a better person.

Get busy if you want to win.

Good luck.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Reader Update

We love a fast turn around. Just hours after posting Bubby's advice to Love In The Hallways yesterday, we got an email from the same young man with an update.

Dear Bubby,

Your advice really helped me and turned out to be 100% true. My girlfriend and I broke up, which was definitely a turn for the best. There definitely are other fish in the sea. She definitely didn't like me as much as I liked her and I don't think she was ready for a relationship anyway. I'm glad you were able to help straighten me out.

Granddaughter's Note:
While we are so happy to hear that our new friend is getting on with his life, we have to interrupt his update with a quote from Bubby's advice to him yesterday. She didn't just tell him to break up with this girl, she also assured him of this:

At 15 you are just starting to grow into a young man so let this be lesson #1. You will meet many other girls who will try to make up to you and you may say to yourself, "Why are they bothering me?"

And now we return you to the last part of his update letter:

Although, I have a new problem. There's a girl at my school who really likes me and it's obvious to everyone, but I don't really like her like that way. There is another girl that I do like, but I don't really know if she likes me.

How can I ask out the girl I like without hurting the girl that likes me? Can you help me out again Bubby? I really love your advice.

Your friend,
Love in the Hallways

Want to offer your advice?
Post your suggestions in the comment box below.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow...
Just a little bit of info before we get started. Bubby's not able to access her computer right now, but that hasn't stopped her from reading her letters. We, the granddaughters, have mailed Bubby her latest bunch, and while she was doing her laundry this week, she put pencil to paper and actually WROTE out all her responses. And she has quite lovely handwriting.

(So, yes, we typed them up for her. Enjoy!)

Dear Bubby,

I just recently found your website and I need your help. I've seen what others have asked you and I think your advice could really help me.

I'm 15 years old and am in school full time. Unfortunately, me and my girlfriend aren't in any of the same classes together and rarely see each other throughout the day, except for about 10 minutes in the morning. Usually we'll walk by each other in the hallway and say hey or chat for a very brief second.

We've been dating for a little over 2 months and everything's been great until now. Whenever I see her she'll give me a small glance and just keep walking by during school. Yesterday for instance, I called her after school to say "hey" cause we haven't talked in 2 days and she said she was sleeping and was really tired. So, I said I'd let her sleep and I asked her to call me back later when she was awake. She never called! If she called me and I was asleep or busy I'd immediately drop everything and talk for at least a little while.

Every weekend I try to do something with her, like go to the movies or a party or something fun. I'm trying to keep her entertained and attracted to me as best as I can.

Do you think I'm crazy? Am I trying too hard? Or is she just not right for me?

Help me if you can please.

Love In The Hallways

Dear Love In The Hallways,

On all three of the last questions you asked me, the answer is YES.

The girl you are so in love with does not return your affection and she is trying to tell you that in a nice way - by being tired, sleepy and not calling you back. She is civil to you as you pass by in the hall - but that is all she wants from you.

At 15 you are just starting to grow into a young man so let this be lesson #1. You will meet many other girls who will try to make up to you and you may say to yourself, "Why are they bothering me?"

So the balls rolls or the music plays and when you get over this puppy pain and are looking at it about age 20 - you will have a big laugh and maybe really find a girl who will think of you as much as you will think of her and you will fall in love.

After rain there is always sunshine.

Be happy - study hard and prepare yourself for your future.

Good luck.

"Help Me, Bubby!" Disclaimer
By submitting a letter to this website, you grant Help Me, Bubby! permission to publish it on this site or elsewhere including print publications. Your letter will only include an anonymous signature that you provide or that we use to substitute for your real name. Your email address will never be included or distributed. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that a letter will be responded to. Any information or advice given at Help Me, Bubby! is not intended to provide an alternative to professional medical treatment or to replace the advice or services of a physician or psychiatrist. Neither Bubby nor her granddaughters are professional therapists or medical experts. If you have any serious medical or mental problem, please consult a professional. Although all this advice is offered lovingly from the heart and in good spirit, we are not responsible in any way for your decision to accept or reject the advice or the results thereafter.

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Bubby is our 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93 94 year old grandmother.
A few years ago we introduced her to the internet and we've been getting daily e-mails from her ever since. When she was 87, we began this website. We now believe she is the oldest blogger on the Internet.

Whether Bubby is reminding us that boyfriends do not substitute for warm jackets in the winter, or that it's better to receive a compliment than a brick, she always has something to say to her granddaughters.

Now with this new website, Bubby can finally share her wisdom with the rest of the world. And she's excited about it! (Which confuses us, because she used to say we were all she needed.)

Hopefully this will be as much fun for new readers as it will surely be for her. And if not, well, as Bubby says, it will all come out in the wash.

So, are you looking for advice on food, work, a broken heart, or the perfect bat mitzvah present?

But no dirty words allowed or you'll only get one matzah ball.

Bald and oblivious
Denim diagnosis
Girls are weird
Halloween ideas
I smell him from here
I'm gonna marry you
How to meet a man
Nerds go far
Political predictions
Sloppy spouse
Tastes like chicken

Voted "Blog Of Note" on (2003)
4-star Review from The Weblog Review (1.5.04)
Voted "Blog Of The Day" by The Blog Hunter
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Featured in the Tampa Tribune online
Featured in USA TODAY (4.22.04)
Bubby's first radio interview - 96.5 WOXL (5.4.04)
JewsWeek Jewriffic Award: "Best blog of the week" (6.6.04)
New York Times: Letter to the Editor (6.11.04)
Jerusalem Post: Feature article (7.2.04)
Interview for Akron, Ohio newspaper (aug.'04)
Golden Web Page Award (dec.'04)
Reader's Digest article, "Me Me Media" (july.'05) "Alternative Site of the Day" (aug.'05)
AARP Magazine article: July/August 2006 issue
Listed as "Cool Site Of The Day": (7.27.06)
O Globo Online: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil (aug.'06)

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End Of The World
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