Help Me, Bubby!

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004
   
Dear Bubby,
Yes, even Zayde's need advice. My daughter is 35 years old and has two boys, 3 and 5. Her mother and I divorced when she was 5 years old. Her mother moved away so I raised my daughter myself. We were as close as a father and daughter could be. It was "me and her" and "her and me". I took sole care of her. At age 25 she married a really great, super guy. They had their first son and named him after my Bubby, may she rest in peace. Then they had a second wonderful son.

About a year after the second child was born, my daughter started fighting with me over nothing, and over everything. When I asked her why, she said it was because I am sick all the time (my health has been poor for years), and because she thinks I interfere too much.

Now we do not speak any more unless it is imperative. We avoid each other. I only see my grandchildren when she is at work. But Bubby, time is moving on... I'm not going to be around forever! I'm at a loss as to what to do.

Do you have any advice?
From, a Zayde


Dear Zayde,
I really don't understand your daughter. How could you both be so far apart now? Since you say you see the children only when she is away there is something definitely wrong. How sick are you? Do you complain to her about it? Have you been to a doctor? You should have a complete checkup and for now don't tell her about it.

Go see the children when you feel like it but make it your business to take them out to a park - for a walk - keep them happy. If you order her around - stop - she is a grown woman and is entitled to her mistakes. Just be civil. She will soon notice the healthy neglect you are giving her -- but always be pleasant, like with a stranger.

Do you get along with her husband? Be friendly towards him. Soon she will notice that you don't come so often. Find some friends so that you won't be alone -- perhaps in the Synagogue. Instead of visiting very often, call to check up on the children -- if they can say HELLO to grandpa on the phone then that is like a visit. Make up with them to come see them and be sure to tell them to ask Mama.

Let me hear from you again.
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By submitting a letter to this website, you grant Help Me, Bubby! permission to publish it on this site or elsewhere including print publications. Your letter will only include an anonymous signature that you provide or that we use to substitute for your real name. Your email address will never be included or distributed. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that a letter will be responded to. Any information or advice given at Help Me, Bubby! is not intended to provide an alternative to professional medical treatment or to replace the advice or services of a physician or psychiatrist. Neither Bubby nor her granddaughters are professional therapists or medical experts. If you have any serious medical or mental problem, please consult a professional. Although all this advice is offered lovingly from the heart and in good spirit, we are not responsible in any way for your decision to accept or reject the advice or the results thereafter.

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Bubby is our 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93 94 year old grandmother.
A few years ago we introduced her to the internet and we've been getting daily e-mails from her ever since. When she was 87, we began this website. We now believe she is the oldest blogger on the Internet.

Whether Bubby is reminding us that boyfriends do not substitute for warm jackets in the winter, or that it's better to receive a compliment than a brick, she always has something to say to her granddaughters.

Now with this new website, Bubby can finally share her wisdom with the rest of the world. And she's excited about it! (Which confuses us, because she used to say we were all she needed.)

Hopefully this will be as much fun for new readers as it will surely be for her. And if not, well, as Bubby says, it will all come out in the wash.

So, are you looking for advice on food, work, a broken heart, or the perfect bat mitzvah present?

But no dirty words allowed or you'll only get one matzah ball.


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