I have never written to an advice column before but I could really use some help.
Over a year ago I went out with this guy for about a month and a half. When he broke up with me it took me a long time to get over him. A lot of that had with the fact that he was my first boyfriend. Well, I have a different boyfriend now and we have been going out for seven months and I'm very happy with him.
The problem is that my ex is friends with the other people I hang out with. When we all get together he is there, which makes it difficult. But when my boyfriend is also there it's not so bad because of two things:
1.) he doesn't feel threatened by him and
2.) he at least partially gets along with him.
When my boyfriend isn't there though, people start saying things about how me and my ex are flirting or they ask what is going on between us. But the only time I see my ex is in a group setting and only then. We both want to be friends, and never doing anything alone of course, because:
a.) it's too weird and
b.) it really would seem like I'm cheating.
I don't want to jeopardize my current relationship but I also think my ex does make a good friend. And although my boyfriend says he's OK with my ex being around, I know there's only so much he can handle. My ex says he doesn't want to cause me problems so he knows to keep a distance. But he also feels bad about a lot of it.
Another issue I have to consider is, do I secretly still have feeling for my ex that I won't admit but others can see? But like I said, I don't want to jeopardize the current relationship with a wonderful guy that really does make me very happy.
I guess my question is, how should I best handle this tense situation? And, what can I do about any more-then-friendship feelings I MIGHT have for my ex?
If this boyfriend of yours is so nice, why do you have to give a thought to your ex? You have to sit down and write out the merits and disadvantages of these two young men. Then add up the debits and credits and make a choice.
Being in the same group has nothing to do with your relationship with your ex unless you are showing that you care. You can be distant friends if you want, but be sure you don't go further or you will lose this new boyfriend. And don't listen to these so-called friends - they are waiting for something to happen. Don't let it. It is all up to you.
I hope you make the right decision. Good luck.
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