I'm 20 years old and in my third year of college. I live far away but I keep in touch with my hometown friends. My best friend (same age) has been hard to keep in touch with since she rarely checks her email, and often her phone is disconnected. Still, we did the best we could. As far as I knew, we didn't have any deterioration in our friendship.
Two weeks ago I got a one line email from her telling me that she got married! I was horribly hurt that I wasn't invited. This weekend I received another email from her -- she's pregnant!
I'm not as hurt as I was before -- now I'm just worried about my friend. She's always been VERY close to her mother, but her mom doesn't even know that she's married. She dropped out of school to support her new husband, a musician, who she's known 8 months (he's 26).
I guess I just want to know what you think is going on with her. Did our friendship really break up, and I just didn't notice it? Is there something I can say that won't make it seem like I'm not happy for her? And what in the world should I send as a shower present?
Maybe I'm just looking for a few words to help me feel better.
I hope you can help,
From, a Bewildered Friend
Dear Bewildered Friend,
Well, we know what is wrong with her and that is why you were not invited to her wedding.
Perhaps she and this young man just went to the justice of peace and said their vows, or maybe not. But she did want to unburden herself so she sent you that second note. This is all too bad but it is something that these two young people will have to live with. My mother always said -- the baby came on time but the wedding was a little late. This does not make her a bad person - nor this young man - they were careless.
Now what to do is to not treat her as an outcast. She should go home and tell her mother - and I know mothers always forgive their children. They will work it out. Mother can say the baby was premature, the young couple can set up housekeeping and learn to take care of their sweet baby -- all if they truly love each other. I think their ages are OK - young matures. If her mother decides to take care of the baby for a while she can finish college, which is very important, and this young man should either find his way in the musical world or choose another profession. The entertainment world is a hard nut to crack.
I feel for both of them and wish them luck. As for a gift, forget it for now. When the baby arrives send a nice gift and now you can send her an uplifting letter. She is adrift now but it's not the end of the world. Cheer her up and ask her to keep in touch with you.
Links to this post:
0 OPINIONS ADDED
"Help Me, Bubby!" Disclaimer
By submitting a letter to this website, you grant Help Me, Bubby! permission to publish it on this site or elsewhere including print publications. Your letter will only include an anonymous signature that you provide or that we use to substitute for your real name. Your email address will never be included or distributed. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that a letter will be responded to. Any information or advice given at Help Me, Bubby! is not intended to provide an alternative to professional medical treatment or to replace the advice or services of a physician or psychiatrist. Neither Bubby nor her granddaughters are professional therapists or medical experts. If you have any serious medical or mental problem, please consult a professional. Although all this advice is offered lovingly from the heart and in good spirit, we are not responsible in any way for your decision to accept or reject the advice or the results thereafter.