I'm from Singapore. Stumbled upon your site twice by chance and guess fate brought me to you.
I have this boyfriend whom I am with for the past 2 years and 8 months. Life has been full of challenges, changes and good times. The first man in my life and someone who actually loves me back instead of the typical "first-relationship-doesn't-last" situation. I really love him a lot and can see that he does think likewise about our relationship and intends to settle down into marriage upon the 4th year of our relationship.
I am only but 21 years old this year (haha). Reckon that would be very young still to make any decision but I am a person that is clear of what I want and feel therefore my decisions are thoroughly considered before even making one.
The problem perhaps, is that my boyfriend has no qualification. His future seems uncertain. Inevitably, I feel concerned and occasionally, dubious of whether I am making the right choice. He is definitely regretful of the mistakes he made during his younger years and is willing to work hard for the future. He treats me very well and from my observation, he treats me with with care and concern and most importantly, with respect and is not the least bit chauvinistic. My mom pampers him a lot as she believes that he is the man I love therefore she loves him too. My faith keeps me strong.
I guess there's not much of a question in this letter but just something I felt like sharing with Bubby. Will Bubby support me in my decision on staying with him in this relationship too?
Dear Hopeful Thinker,
I can see that you are thinking a lot, but to what end?? This man - how old is he - you are 21 and you have been seeing him for almost 3 years. That is not so bad. He is nice to you and respects you and he says he loves you but the future is more than all that. If he has "no qualifications", so what does the future hold for you?? Is he independently wealthy? He has no job. How does he pay when you go out or don't you go out?
I think you are making a mistake. At 21 you should be seeing other young men who have better qualifications like a job or studying to get a better job by taking courses. You sound like a young lady with a lot of common sense and I suggest you and he should separate for a while - that will give you a chance to meet other young people so that you can compare this person with others. There are many nice, thoughtful young men around. Meet them. If you were my daughter I would certainly suggest this to you.
I think he is stringing you along telling you that he will marry you after 4 years and after 4 years he may say "another four years." From what you say about him he is also much older than you, but I think you are smarter than he is.
Give this a lot more thought and the best to you.
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