I have a family situation that I hope you can help me with. Although I did not come from a particularly large or close family, I've married into one. My husband has a lot of family in our area and I've become close with them all.
We have a beautiful one-year old daughter who loves to play with her 2 year-old twin second cousins. The problem is that almost every time I've made a play date with my husband's aunt for the kids to get together, she ends up canceling. I know that life must be busy for her with two rambunctious boys, however it seems like I'm the only one getting left out of the loop. She and the boys are free to spend time with my husband, her sister, her niece, the boys' grandparents and other friends.
Although this does bother me, I haven't really let on. I've always told her, "It's no problem, we'll get together some other time". I don't know how to address this situation without sounding less than polite.
Thanks so much,
Feeling left out
Dear Feeling Left Out,
I know just how you feel being left out. I think you should first discuss this with your husband. Does he visit with the family without you? That should be a NONO. You should visit together or not at all. Why don't you call the person who always cancels and have a talk with her. Maybe she doesn't realize what she is doing. Tell her how you feel about all these cancellations.
If the little ones can't be together when they are small they will grow up as strangers and the family relationship will be gone completely. Is that what she
wants? Also I would tell her from now on - you will wait to hear from her - it hurts too much to always being cancelled and left out. You have to "hit the nail on the head" if you want to get results. Stick up for yourself.
Good luck and let me hear how it all worked out. There is nothing so important as a close relationship with family.
I have never written to anyone like this before but just found you and could really use some help.
I went away to France last winter and spent 5 wonderful months having the time of my life. There I met an Australian guy and we were inseparable. He came back to London with me (where I live) and stayed with me and my parents for 2 months. Now he is back in Oz.
I am 24 and have been feeling increasing pressure to 'sort my life out' and get a career, etc. But this is the last thing I want to do. While I was away I decided I would ignore the pressure and just travel. When I returned home I got an opportunity to apply for a job. I knew it still wasn't the right time for me but I was convinced by my parents and by thinking objectively that this was too good an opportunity to miss. So I went for the interview and got the job.
I started the job 3 days after my boyfriend left. It has been a complete nightmare. I have been so down about my boyfriend that any nerves about the new job have sent me over the edge. I've been sick and crying hysterically. I don't know what I want. I want to be with my boyfriend but I also want to do something positive for my future and ultimately I am really not sure I could leave my family etc. for life in Oz anyway. And I know that my boyfriend would hate living in the UK.
On top of all this, my dad is closely connected to the job I have just started and would be highly embarrassed if I just left them in the lurch seeing as I have committed to the whole year. I don't see any solution to my problem. The thought of spending a whole year like this seems unbearable. Everyone is telling me it will get better but I don't see how since I don't know what I want to happen. Please don't tell me just to wait and see because that is no help to me. I just feel so sad and hopeless.
Yours, Sad and Hopeless
Dear Sad and Hopeless,
You sound like you want your cake and to eat it too. That cannot happen.
First of all - do you have a commitment with this young man?? And how come he lived with you and your parents for long? Did you have a mutual acquaintance that prompted your parents to invite him to live in their house? Or did he just become a habit with you? In any case I think that you should adjust to this job for one year and see if this infatuation will wear off. Meet other young men and compare them to this person.
When I was young I had a similar decision to make. I finished my schooling, went home, got a job and worked for one year. In the meantime my boyfriend sent me letters almost every day and called often. He came to visit me a few times during that year but at the end of the year I knew that he really was for me. Then my father approved and we were married.
Turned out it was a marriage made in heaven. We were happy - raised a family and now that he has passed on, I miss him more than I can say. So I say to you - read this note and take the time - see what the year brings and then make up your decision. Think carefully.
Remember me? I'm the bride who needed support walking down the aisle without my dad. Well your advice helped and the wedding was wonderful. Our honeymoon was amazing and we are back and ready to tackle the world.
We recently bought an apartment and are moving in this coming weekend. There is just one problem. We went by the place today to show my mom. And it smells like cat pee! The woman who is moving out has two cats and though the apartment is in good shape otherwise, the entryway and the kitchen smell so bad that it nearly makes your eyes tear. It did not smell that way when we looked at it in April. We think it might be because the old owner is moving and kicking up all the old smells.
We don't have much time and we need to disinfect!! Help me bubby!!
Thanks for your help!
Mr. and Mrs. Smelly Cat
Dear Mr & Mrs. Smelly Cat,
Congratulation on your marriage. Be happy and healthy forever after. Now about that cat. I think it is true when the apartment was being torn up all these bad smells became active, but not for long. First you should go out and buy some deodorant for cats. It is also good to ask a vet what is good to use.
Also if you are going to have the place painted, the smell will disappear. Your floors should be washed using a good detergent. If it has a floor covering - throw it out. A bare floor is better than a smelly one. Put a pine disinfectant in the closet because cats do like to crawl into closets. Keep the windows open and air out the apartment as much as possible. Without the cat and all your disinfectants and soap and water in a short time there will be no odors.
The other people were so into the cat and its odors they were not aware of how bad it was. However, that does not mean that you have to do the same. A good cleaning as I suggest should take care of it.
Let me know how it works out.
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