I have never written to anyone like this before but just found you and could really use some help.
I went away to France last winter and spent 5 wonderful months having the time of my life. There I met an Australian guy and we were inseparable. He came back to London with me (where I live) and stayed with me and my parents for 2 months. Now he is back in Oz.
I am 24 and have been feeling increasing pressure to 'sort my life out' and get a career, etc. But this is the last thing I want to do. While I was away I decided I would ignore the pressure and just travel. When I returned home I got an opportunity to apply for a job. I knew it still wasn't the right time for me but I was convinced by my parents and by thinking objectively that this was too good an opportunity to miss. So I went for the interview and got the job.
I started the job 3 days after my boyfriend left. It has been a complete nightmare. I have been so down about my boyfriend that any nerves about the new job have sent me over the edge. I've been sick and crying hysterically. I don't know what I want. I want to be with my boyfriend but I also want to do something positive for my future and ultimately I am really not sure I could leave my family etc. for life in Oz anyway. And I know that my boyfriend would hate living in the UK.
On top of all this, my dad is closely connected to the job I have just started and would be highly embarrassed if I just left them in the lurch seeing as I have committed to the whole year. I don't see any solution to my problem. The thought of spending a whole year like this seems unbearable. Everyone is telling me it will get better but I don't see how since I don't know what I want to happen. Please don't tell me just to wait and see because that is no help to me. I just feel so sad and hopeless.
Yours, Sad and Hopeless
Dear Sad and Hopeless,
You sound like you want your cake and to eat it too. That cannot happen.
First of all - do you have a commitment with this young man?? And how come he lived with you and your parents for long? Did you have a mutual acquaintance that prompted your parents to invite him to live in their house? Or did he just become a habit with you? In any case I think that you should adjust to this job for one year and see if this infatuation will wear off. Meet other young men and compare them to this person.
When I was young I had a similar decision to make. I finished my schooling, went home, got a job and worked for one year. In the meantime my boyfriend sent me letters almost every day and called often. He came to visit me a few times during that year but at the end of the year I knew that he really was for me. Then my father approved and we were married.
Turned out it was a marriage made in heaven. We were happy - raised a family and now that he has passed on, I miss him more than I can say. So I say to you - read this note and take the time - see what the year brings and then make up your decision. Think carefully.
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