It's nice to find an on-line Bubby since my own Bubby died a few years ago (she was 99 and 11 months). Like you, she had solid, strong opinions that I miss terribly.
Exactly one year after my Bubby died I had a sudden urge to create my own family. After a year of thinking about it, I decided to go ahead and get started. But it was a little more complicated than usual since I am in a Lesbian relationship for 22 years and my father is a fundamental Christian (my mother is a closeted Jew).
My partner and I decided to use an anonymous Jewish donor and 42 weeks later I gave birth to a wonderful little boy. On Feb 19th our son will be one-year old and we are planning a birthday party for him. I have also been thinking about a naming ceremony. I would like to give him a Hebrew name but I'm not sure if a kid's birthday party is the right place for that or if I should have done it sooner.
I have taken him to our local synangogue a few times but have not officially joined the congregation. Should I ask the Rabbi to perform this ceremony? I don't really know anything about naming ceremonies since I wasn't raised Jewish. Any suggestions?
It is very nice of you to want to give your little son a Jewish name. In the Jewish religion male babies are named on the eighth day after birth when they are circumcised unless there is a reason to postpone it . There is a religious procedure that is performed by a religious man called a Moal and specially trained for this task.
I think it is a good idea to speak to a Rabbi and he will explain the whole procedure to you. Usually the baby is named for a loved person who has passed on.
It is very nice that you would like to do this and since you want to do it, by all means speak to a Rabbi. He will certainly lead you in the right direction. I wish you the best of everything for you and your son.
I am 18, and live in London. I have just left University because I was unhappy there and missing all my friends and family. Especially my boyfriend. I was only there for 3 weeks but all I wanted was to come home and spend time with my boyfriend.
My parents were extremely unhappy with my choice to leave university, they think that I left for all the wrong reasons (that I only wanted to come back to be with my boyfriend). I've decided to take a year off, earn money for a car and my own flat and then reapply to a London university. But now that I am back home in London my boyfriend's been acting offish with me, and we can't seem to get back that spark we had before I left???
I feel so alone at this current point. I feel like I don't know where I stand and where I am meant to be in life. I feel like everything is moving around me and that I have no control of my life.
Now I am having regrets about leaving uni. Maybe I did do it all 4 the wrong reasons.
I need some reassuring and help.
Dear Standing Still,
I think the wrong thing you did was leave the university. You did not give yourself a chance to get to know the school or the people in the school. No doubt your boyfriend realized that there were a lot of girls of 18 and he should explore the field. And I say at 18 and being on campus gives you the same oppuntunity: to meet other young men. You may find that what you experienced up until now was just "puppy" love.
I think you should go back to the school or go to another school and take classes that will prepare you for a future. When you are graduated, you can get a car and an apartment. Your future should be first. You will meet a lot of other young men at the university or even after.
You are young. I'm betting on you.
I'm a very, very jealous girl. I'm very angry towards anyone who has something good, or who is very happy about his or her life or a situation, opportunity, etc. I know it is bad! How can I eliminate it?
Dear Jealous Girl,
By being jealous of another person you are developing a very bad habit that you already have. You must remember by developing bad habits you will always have bad habits. I think you should forget all those bad habits and think good things for yourself and for those around you. If you stay negative you will not have good thoughts so it is best to analyze yourself. Throw away bad habits.
At first it may be hard but little by little this feeling of jealousy will leave you and your thoughts will become happy and you will be on your way to happy thoughts and deeds. When you start thinking jealous thoughts, stop yourself and think of something nice to do or say and you will be a happier person and a good friend.
I need your advice. I have really bad acne scars and when I look in the mirror I want to cry. I feel ugly. I am getting married soon and don’t have money for plastic surgery. What should I do?
Good luck to you in your forthcoming marriage. Evidently, your fiance loves you and doesn't care about your skin condition but you do and rightly so.
I am sorry that you are having acne. Many young people have the same problem. I am not a dermatologist so I can't prescribe the remedy. But by all means get to see such a doctor. I am sure he will take tests and will do everything to heal your condition. Follow his instructions to the letter and overcome your condition.
Good luck and happiness in your forthcoming marriage.
The Administrative Assistant ("Sue") that I work with suffered a grave loss today with the sudden death of her husband. I am quite close with her, and she called me to tell me that he had passed. I asked her, among other things, whether she would like me to send out an email to our workplace, and she told me that, yes, she would like that.
In accordance with her wishes, I sent out a very short email simply notifying our office of her husband's passing, and informing them that information on services would be forthcoming.
My boss who has worked with her for many, many years, was extremely angry with me for sending out the email. He stated that I "usurped his provenance" and was unprofessional and disrespectful for not clearing said email through him first. He chastised me, giving me a long, stern (and, quite patronizing and nasty) lecture.
Did I act inappropriately? I was certainly not trying to overstep my bounds at all, and did not feel that I was acting in a professional capacity at the time I sent out the email; I felt I was acting as her friend and in accordance with her stated desire.
In my mind, my boss has turned Sue's tragedy into something all about him. This isn't uncommon; he is someone who truly believes in his own infallibility, and would be shocked to learn that the earth, in fact, revolves around the sun, and not his glorious personage.
Nonetheless, I find this episode particularly distasteful, but I think I may be hideously overreacting. Either way, I would like to get your opinion (even though what's done is done, and it's over now).
Supportive Friend or Napoleon wanna-be?
Dear Supportive Friend,
I know just what kind your boss is. I had the same kind of experience but once I understood him I realized that he felt threatened by all these little things in the office. He has to be top "banana" to show that he is the boss.
From now on when you want to sent out a memo to the staff -- check with him first. It may come to the point that he will say to you "go ahead and send out the memo but show it to me first." That will appease him and he won't feel that his position is being threatened.
It is little things like this that shows up a person's personality. I'm sorry for your friends loss. I extend my sympathies.
About a month ago, one of my friends asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes without really thinking. I know I made a mistake of not dealing with the problem sooner, but now I really feel bad that I don't return the feelings he has for me, and I think it would be best if we stayed friends, instead of being in a relationship.
My problem is that sometimes I'm not sure how I feel about him. Sometimes I like him, sometimes I wish that he'd give me more space. I think that the best thing to do would be to break off the relationship, but then I get second thoughts. How do I figure out my true feelings for him?
My second problem is that if I do decide to dump him, how do I do it in the nicest possible way? I still enjoy his company as a friend, but without the pressure of being his girlfriend. He is a great guy, and the greatest first boyfriend a girl could have. I'm lucky that I got this experience with him, so how do I keep him in my life after I dump him?
Your wisdom would be thoroughly appreciated, Bubby.
Sincerely, To love, or not to love?
Dear "To love or not to love?",
If you are not sure about this boy the best thing to do is tell him that right now you should be friends and see what the future brings. Don't tie yourself down.
Be friends with other boys and compare them. Then you will know which is best to your liking. When in doubt - leave it out.
A close relationship in school is really a waste. Better to be friends with a lot of boys so you can compare one to another. Not only will you know which boy is nicest, but it will help you later on when you are out in the world.
I'm 21 years old, and have never had any experience with boys; no dates, no hand-holding, no nothing. It didn't bother me too much at first, because I figured I would start dating in college. Unfortunately, I've been there three years and still no luck. I'm starting to panic.
I've had a crush on this guy for almost 2 years. We work together, so we got to know each other pretty well. I thought he was interested in me since he was
so nice and friendly. Eventually, I confessed my crush to him because I thought he felt the same. He didn't. He told me that although I was a "cool girl", he didn't feel "that way" about me.
That didn't stop me, though. He continued to act friendly towards me, so I asked him if we could see a movie some time. He agreed and we exchanged phone numbers. He even traveled 2 hours to attend my birthday party when I invited him, but seemed distant, and talked more with the other guests. A few weeks later, when I called him for a movie, he said he was busy and didn't offer to reschedule. I am extremely confused.
My logical side tells me to stop acting like an obsessive fool, but my romantic side is hopeful that something may happen between us. Which side should I believe?
Torn, Confused, Inexperienced
Dear Torn, Confused and Inexperienced,
If this young man is not interested in you except as a friend, I think you should forget about him and try to develop a friendship with another boy and maybe this one will wake up. Competition is a very good incentive. Make yourself more attractive. If you are too heavy--loose a few pounds. Change your hair style. At this time in your life appearance is very important.
If nothing works--then I would guess he is just not interested in girls at this time and I would find a new romantic fellow. I'm sure there are plenty on campus.
Good hunting and let me hear from you.
Before we get to today's question, take a look at this sweet letter Bubby received today:
Welcome back Bubby! Glad to see you're feeling better. :) Take care and happy holidays
I am a solo mum to a beautiful 8 year old boy. I love him dearly but lately all we seem to do is fight. He seems to go out of his way to do little things to annoy me, or emotionally hurt me. This is most unlike his usual behavior.
I have spoken to friends and family about it and they tell me it is just a stage, and that for them he is always a delightful boy. Why then does he create so much unhappiness in our own home? I try to give him as much attention as I can, but it is hard, as I work to support us all week, then have all the house jobs to do at the weekends.
Please can you advise me on what to do to bring back our happy home.
Dear Feeling Desperate,
Why don't you start by asking your son to help you with the household chores so that he will learn that it is not easy.
Discuss with him some of the things that are upsetting you so that he will see that he has a lot to learn.
Ask him what he would do in some circumstance and correct him in his thinking.
Give him "food for thought". When he starts to upset you, tell him to stop and think and point out the logic of the situation and get him to discuss the problem with you. Ask him if he were you what would he do.
Speak in a normal tone and rationalize the problem. You can even use a funny situation in the explanation and he will laugh. The next time it happens remind him, "No shouting. Let's talk it out."
Let me hear from you. I know it is not easy to bring up an 8 year old - he is testing you as well as you are teaching him.
First of all, get well soon! I hope you can find some time to answer this letter, no matter how long it takes, I'd really appreciate it.
My mother and I visited a store which has very minimal security--you can walk out with things that you didn't pay for in your pocket, and no one would notice as there is no security alarm. We shopped around and got some things for an upcoming party. My mom also needed a new toaster oven, so she picked up a $40 one. When we came to the cashier, all our items came to $70--except for the toaster oven. The cashier didn't realize that it was in the cart, and she didn't charge it up.
I immediately pointed that out, and our charges rose to over $100. My mother had such a sad look on her face as she paid. She even mentioned to me outside that I should have let us get away with not paying for the toaster oven. My mother works a lot, and we worry about money often. I feel so horrible that I couldn't save her those $40... But on the other hand, I didn't want to carry that weight of knowing that we stole. I don't know what to think. Please help, Bubby!
First of all you and your mother were stealing no matter what the store
security reputation was. Now that you paid for the merchandise you can sleep
at night without feeling guilty.
You should explain to your mother that it does not pay still and in the end you have to pay. If you consider yourself honest then you should practice what you preach --- be honest in every way.
Your honest Bubby.
A Special Message from Bubby
Thank you for all your good wishes. I've had a trying time but I'm back to almost good health. From now on I hope that we will not have any interruptions in questions and answers. Just like in school.
To be fair, I'll start with the first questions that were sent way back in September 2004. My wishes for all of you are Happy Birthday, Happy Valentines Day, Happy New Year, Happy Chanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, Happy Weddings, Bar-Mitzvahs, and anything else that I left out.
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