I'm glad to hear you are feeling better and back in the business of helping people. Now I could use some help!
My parents were divorced when I was six-years-old. I've always had a great relationship with both of them. My mom remarried shortly after I graduated high school. I love my step-father and think he and my mother make a wonderful couple.
My father remarried two years ago, but unfortunately I didn't really like his new choice. I felt she was very manipulative and did not treat my father with respect. I held my tongue at the time, as I figured there must be *something* about her that makes my father happy. Plus, it is he who has to live with her, not me. I live far enough away that visits are few and far between anyway.
It's now two years later, and my opinion of this woman has only gotten worse. My wife feels the exact same way as I do . I get physically stressed and am disgusted to be around her. I honestly can't find a single nice thing to say about her.
Now it gets complicated. My wife and I are expecting our first child this year. As you can imagine my father is ecstatic, and he can't wait to play with his soon-to-be grandchild. I know he will be an equally wonderful grandparent and I would love for him to be involved in my child's life. However, I think that I will be less willing to invite him now since it would involve bringing his wife. I would never shut him out completely, but there would definitely be less visits.
Is there any way that I can tactfully ask my father to come alone when he visits? I so much want to tell him how I feel about his wife, but I know it would hurt him. However, I know it would hurt him even more if he ever felt that he was being left out of his grandchild's life. Help me Bubby, what can I possibly do?
The Bad Son?
Dear Bad Son,
No, you are not a bad son by telling me you don't like your father's new wife.
I think when the new baby arrives and it is a girl, you can tell your father that he can come see her when he has the time and you think it best he come alone because if his new wife came it might not be wise to have his former wife and his new wife together.
I remember going to a wedding once and the father of the bride brought his new wife along and ignored his first wife. She was very upset and all the guests were watching the two women if anything was going to happen. The first wife was not told in advance which was very bad.
I think you should discuss this with your Mother. She may not care or if she does care you should tell your father it would be best if he came alone. The best policy is to be honest up front. And then again, after so many years your mother may not care. She is very happy with her second marriage and your father will be like a stranger to her.
Don't let it be a surprise -- that would be the worst. Be honest with both your parents.
Good luck and much happiness to you and your wife with this new blessing.
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