Help Me, Bubby!

Other Bubby Books at Amazon:

Bubby Irma's Kitchen

Yiddish Your Bubbe Never Taught You

Poetry by Jewish Grandaughters

Bubbe & Gram

Bubbe's Kitchen

My Bubbe's Arms

Bubbie & Zeide's Favorite Language

Bennett and His Bubbe's Beau

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Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Dear Bubby,

I am in need of some advice and willing to listen to anyone.

I am in my mid 30's and have a girlfriend in her mid 20's. I make a reasonable salary, nothing extravagant. She is in the medical profession and makes about the same as I.

I love this woman with all I have. I have been in some relationships in my time; this is all new for her. She has never had a serious relationship with a man. She is very family oriented while I have never known any of my family (except for a bad relationship with my father, a long-lost brother, and my mom, whom I have known all my life.)

To her, family, especially Dad, is everything. To me, besides making sure mom can live above poverty level, it is rather irrelevant.

In the end, I really want what is best for her. But I cannot afford to take care of her and my mom, and I cannot allow myself to let my mom live in poverty.

My girlfriend has been taken care of all her life by her father and has no idea of sacrifice or compromise. She wants someone who can take care of her, which is all she has ever known. What am I to do? I have talked to her about the situation, but it does not change what she wants. Together we could make a comfortable life, but I am unable to take care of her and my mom.

But she does not seem to be willing to envision any other circumstance than that of the man taking care of the woman in the relationship. I have told her that I am willing to put all I can into our life, but that my mother has to be able to survive, which seems irrelevant to her.

So my question is, do I make a life for her and ignore the needs of my mother or do I tell her to take the gate? I love her but I cannot bear to see my mom live in poverty. Help me, Bubby!

Love or Money

Dear Love or Money,

As a 30 year old you should certainly be able to make a decision but I will tell you my thoughts.

This 20 year old is not for you. She may say she loves you and wants to spend the rest of her life with you - but don't believe it. She is lazy and would like to just be taken care of. Even if you do live together, it will be only until she finds somebody who can give her more than you. She has to change her ways, which I doubt.

Your mother gave you Life and you should help her out as long as she lives or needs your help. I think you should not burden yourself with this girl. She will bring nothing to the relationship. I know it may be difficult but don't do this to yourself. You will meet some other girl closer to your age that will make you happy, I am sure. I can only see trouble ahead for you with this girl.

Good hunting,
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By submitting a letter to this website, you grant Help Me, Bubby! permission to publish it on this site or elsewhere including print publications. Your letter will only include an anonymous signature that you provide or that we use to substitute for your real name. Your email address will never be included or distributed. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that a letter will be responded to. Any information or advice given at Help Me, Bubby! is not intended to provide an alternative to professional medical treatment or to replace the advice or services of a physician or psychiatrist. Neither Bubby nor her granddaughters are professional therapists or medical experts. If you have any serious medical or mental problem, please consult a professional. Although all this advice is offered lovingly from the heart and in good spirit, we are not responsible in any way for your decision to accept or reject the advice or the results thereafter.

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Bubby is our 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93 94 year old grandmother.
A few years ago we introduced her to the internet and we've been getting daily e-mails from her ever since. When she was 87, we began this website. We now believe she is the oldest blogger on the Internet.

Whether Bubby is reminding us that boyfriends do not substitute for warm jackets in the winter, or that it's better to receive a compliment than a brick, she always has something to say to her granddaughters.

Now with this new website, Bubby can finally share her wisdom with the rest of the world. And she's excited about it! (Which confuses us, because she used to say we were all she needed.)

Hopefully this will be as much fun for new readers as it will surely be for her. And if not, well, as Bubby says, it will all come out in the wash.

So, are you looking for advice on food, work, a broken heart, or the perfect bat mitzvah present?

But no dirty words allowed or you'll only get one matzah ball.

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