Help Me, Bubby!

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Hello Bubby,

I am stuck. I am 24, in a relationship with a man who I know loves me. He has even relocated to be with me from another continent.

Yet because I have trust and insecurity issues, I did something pretty low. I read his e-mails. In one e-mail he had written to an old buddy bragging about all the "hot chicks" at his place of work, describing their bodies and being really rude about it.

I trust that he will not cheat on me, yet it hurts me to read the things he has written. I can't stop thinking about it. When I go to his place of work, I can't help but feel extremely sensitive and irritated.

He knows something is up with me, yet I can't bring myself to tell him I read his e-mails. But this is nagging me to no end.

Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hurt and Torn

Dear Hurt and Torn,

Shame on you for reading mail that is not yours! When you do that, a person never reads anything good about himself or herself. And if you tell him that you read his mail, you will surely lose him in more ways than one.

You will have to figure out how to bring up the subject of spying on mail in an impersonal way and learn how he feels about such a thing. He may mean something by writing these messages to fellow employees, or maybe not.

I have never done such a thing so I really can't advise you except to say, Don't ever do it again - EVER.

You might ask him in conversation how he feels about someone doing such a terrible thing. But to confess is to lose.
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By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:46 PM  

you should still be able to give advice even though you have "never done such a thing".

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:42 AM  

Dear H&T,
You are right; this is an insecurity issue and you would do well to examine this more closely. Why are you insecure? Why did you feel the need to read his emails? What were you hoping to find out? What is lacking in the relationship?

That's the real question here; not whether or not you read his emails. Perhaps it's because you have a 'sense' that there is something about his attitude towards women and perhaps how he treated you that led you to read his email, wherein you discovered something that disturbed you.

Either way, your insecurity and his emails seem to be the symptoms of a larger problem. You have to decide what is bothering you, and then decide on a course of action.

All the best.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:38 PM  

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Bubby is our 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93 94 year old grandmother.
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So, are you looking for advice on food, work, a broken heart, or the perfect bat mitzvah present?

But no dirty words allowed or you'll only get one matzah ball.

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