Help Me, Bubby!

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Sunday, May 7, 2006
   
Hello Bubby,

I'm not sure how I came to be here, but here I am. I'll get to the point.

My wife died in January. All I can say is, even though I know she is in heaven, it really sucks. And here I sit, a 44 year old grown man, with tears rolling down his face, typing an email to you, a complete stranger, and for the whole world to read.

I have 2 kids, nine and twelve, and I cannot understand, if God doesn't make mistakes, and if He has a plan for each of us, and if that plan is good, why we are here eating a huge crap sandwich? I am so lonely I can almost taste it. I feel like the wake of a ship; all my hopes, dreams, and desires trailing behind me, never to return.

I cannot even fathom how my children must feel. She didn't want me to be mad at God, and I'm not, but He and I weren't on the same page with this. She was in the choir at church and I can barely make it through Mass without losing my composure. I cannot bring myself to delete her number from my cell phone, or throw away scraps of paper she wrote notes on. I get sad when I see old people together.

So, I figure you have visited your share of grief. What do you think?

Sad Dad



Dear Sad Dad,

I know just how you feel because I have been in the same boat. For some time I could do nothing but feel sorry for myself. But you are here and you have a responsibility to two children who lost their mother and now you must take the place of Mother and Father.

After a period of mourning, you must put your feelings in your back pocket and be a father to your children. I am sure they have feelings too. You can talk to them - help them grow up - I am sure they have feelings too and problems. You can talk to them about their mother so she will be there in all your hearts and you will feel she is with you.

And you must find something to keep all of you busy - for the children. You don't tell me their ages but either they are in school or are working. Interest yourself in their lives. You can join an organization for singles where you can talk about your loss and after a while you will accept that G-- must have a plan for taking your loved one away.

Time passes, you do not forget your former life - you may find yourself talking to your wife without answers but you will feel better. Remember the wound heals but the scars remain and life goes on.

I know I'm here and you will be too. Be a good loving father.

Have courage and smile,
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2 OPINIONS ADDED

be sure that God loves us and he wouldn't like to put disasters in our destination. trust God and be a perfect dad for your kids and leave the rest up to fate. this new situation just demands you a little bit patience .be patient and believe that future will bring joy and happiness for you and your children.but joy depends on your attitude.change your attitude
and be happy ...new day will come soon.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:30 PM  

My mom died when I was 4 and my sisters were 10 and 11. My dad completely lost it and zoned out as a father. Please don't do this to your kids. Like you said they are probably hurting too. Like Bubby said, get involved in their lives. I know you miss your wife but what you have left -your kids- is what you need to focus on. Talk to your wife like you pray to God, the answers will come. She is still there for you, just in different ways. And remember, life doesn't end after this....and neither do families. Families are forever. Let that be the lighthouse shining through the fog.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:28 AM  

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By submitting a letter to this website, you grant Help Me, Bubby! permission to publish it on this site or elsewhere including print publications. Your letter will only include an anonymous signature that you provide or that we use to substitute for your real name. Your email address will never be included or distributed. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that a letter will be responded to. Any information or advice given at Help Me, Bubby! is not intended to provide an alternative to professional medical treatment or to replace the advice or services of a physician or psychiatrist. Neither Bubby nor her granddaughters are professional therapists or medical experts. If you have any serious medical or mental problem, please consult a professional. Although all this advice is offered lovingly from the heart and in good spirit, we are not responsible in any way for your decision to accept or reject the advice or the results thereafter.

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Bubby is our 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93 94 year old grandmother.
A few years ago we introduced her to the internet and we've been getting daily e-mails from her ever since. When she was 87, we began this website. We now believe she is the oldest blogger on the Internet.

Whether Bubby is reminding us that boyfriends do not substitute for warm jackets in the winter, or that it's better to receive a compliment than a brick, she always has something to say to her granddaughters.

Now with this new website, Bubby can finally share her wisdom with the rest of the world. And she's excited about it! (Which confuses us, because she used to say we were all she needed.)

Hopefully this will be as much fun for new readers as it will surely be for her. And if not, well, as Bubby says, it will all come out in the wash.

So, are you looking for advice on food, work, a broken heart, or the perfect bat mitzvah present?

But no dirty words allowed or you'll only get one matzah ball.


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