Help Me, Bubby!

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Bubby Irma's Kitchen

Yiddish Your Bubbe Never Taught You

Poetry by Jewish Grandaughters

Bubbe & Gram

Bubbe's Kitchen

My Bubbe's Arms

Bubbie & Zeide's Favorite Language

Bennett and His Bubbe's Beau

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Sunday, July 9, 2006
Dear Bubby,

I am 14 years old. I do well in school, have lots of great friends, and my family is well off. But I don’t think I could be more unhappy.
My mom is always telling me that I am inconsiderate, mean, self-centered, and so on. My brother calls me names I can’t repeat. My father isn’t nearly as bad, but he puts an intense amount of stress on me to do well in school so that I’ll be a doctor. He tells me that my best just isn’t good enough.

All I really want is them to love me.
I got kicked out of my carpool because I am kind of forgetful. It was very hard for me to keep track of who was driving what days. On two occasions I got mixed up and they got angry. They yelled at me and my mom. She yelled at me. My dad yelled at me. Now I have to stay after school for several hours till my parents can get me.

It makes me sad.
I really want my parents to hug me and tell me they love me.

One of my female teachers was really nice to me. She told me I was smart. She told me she enjoyed reading the essays I wrote. She treated me like I was worth something. It made me so sad that she was not my mother. She hugged me once after I came back to school from a long term illness. I almost cried.

Bubby, what do I do? I’ve been trying my best to be a good child, to not disappoint them.


Sad and Confused

Dear Sad and Confused,

I am so sorry that you are having so much trouble, and I will make some suggestions.

First, I think you should ask your parents to sit down and have a talk with you. Tell them how you feel. That all this criticism is making you sick and even worse. I am sure your family wants only the best for you, but they are going about it the wrong way.

As for your brother, he should mind his own business and not complain about you. I think that it would be a good and healthly idea if you spoke to your teacher and told her about this. Ask her if she would visit with your parents and talk to them. This situation has happened in many families and it is not new to your teacher.

Clearing the air now is more important than "sweeping it under the rug", so to speak. At your age you should not have these problems.

Give my suggestions a try and please let me know how it came out.

Best of luck,
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Be smart..and understand that your parents pushing you so hard is a sign of love. Do your best, try to take their pushing in stride, and take it as a sign that they want the best for you. They are doing their best, but maybe their best isn't good enough. Sound familiar? There are all kinds of parents out there, and you don't get to choose your parents. You CAN choose how you will respond though. Try to hear what they mean, not what they say. Someday, you will have your turn to be a parent, and you will push your children as well. But, you will throw in more hugs and encouragement. You'll be fine; just listen to all their advise, take the best of it, and realize time is passing, and you will be an adult someday soon. Relax, and don't wish this time of your life away.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:07 PM  

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Bubby is our 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93 94 year old grandmother.
A few years ago we introduced her to the internet and we've been getting daily e-mails from her ever since. When she was 87, we began this website. We now believe she is the oldest blogger on the Internet.

Whether Bubby is reminding us that boyfriends do not substitute for warm jackets in the winter, or that it's better to receive a compliment than a brick, she always has something to say to her granddaughters.

Now with this new website, Bubby can finally share her wisdom with the rest of the world. And she's excited about it! (Which confuses us, because she used to say we were all she needed.)

Hopefully this will be as much fun for new readers as it will surely be for her. And if not, well, as Bubby says, it will all come out in the wash.

So, are you looking for advice on food, work, a broken heart, or the perfect bat mitzvah present?

But no dirty words allowed or you'll only get one matzah ball.

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