[Granddaughter note: While we had to edit this recent letter slightly due to length, we did not alter the spelling or grammar.]
I am 30 year old woman and live in Shiraz-Iran. I love my country but its pretty mail domination. Which means woman have little opportunity. To find husband, take care of kids, and be obedient is the most important things for woman in my country. I had one terrible marriage experience. My ex-husband was addicted to heroin and my mother in law was abusive person. how ever after 1 month I got divorce. In my country is not appropriate for woman to get divorce and I considered as not good woman just because I was sure it’s not right to share life with rubbish man….
After my divorce I decided to run my own business, I am planning to make nice coffee shop but my mother thinks it’s better for me to get married as soon as possible because I am aging.
I don’t want to repeat my bad experience, my mother is finding me proposal like 40 years old or older… but I am not really interested to marry some one who is older besides the point I am not emotionally ready after what had happen, I just want to focus on my job. Although we have lots of argue, she always does what she wants.
How can I make her to listen to me? My mum was never a good listener at all….
Looking For Answers
Dear Looking For Answers,
Nobody can tell you what to do with your life. You have to figure out what is good for you. Every person has a life and that person can decide what to do with that life. Do you want it to be good or do you want it to be bad? Whatever. You want to be well or do you want to be sick?
To be good is best. It doesn't take any more energy to be well as it does to be sick and bad. To be good leaves you free to do what you want to do. You have to work hard. That's the important thing. Nobody gives it to you. You must do it yourself. It's as simple as that.
First, you must get an education. When you have an education you are superior. You can always find someone your own age to marry (or a year or two older, or a year or two younger). You'll always find someone you can love and be married to, so I think your mother is wrong.
If you want to open a business, more power to you. You have to keep your eyes on the ball. It's not easy, but if you work hard, it comes to you. No question about it.
I haven't been back to check this blog in a while, but every time I do come back, I am so happy to read all the wonderful advice Bubby has to give, and it's so wonderful to see how much love the granddaughters have for their Bubby.
Happy 91st birthday, bubby! My bubby also turns 93 today, and I'm so glad to hear that your bubby is doing well.
I don't think I've ever written to this site for advice, but I started checking this blog out a few years ago when a long-term relationship ended and I was doing lots of thinking about relationships and love. Bubby's kind words and wisdom were so supportive and smart.
Now I'm glad to give my own update. I've been in a wonderful relationship with a very kind, sweet, and handsome man, and he is meeting with the jeweller today to arrange for my engagement ring! It's so exciting to begin this new chapter of my life with someone I love so much.
So Bubby, thank you for all your wisdom along the way. Although it wasn't in direct response to me, you are helping so many people who not only write in with questions but read your advice and kind words.
I'm so excited...and I just can't hide it
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