You're not Alone
Sometimes we get great letters from readers who have more advice to add on to what Bubby has suggested. Today's post is just that...
Hi Bubby, thanks for being so much fun to read!
I was noticing the letter from Feb. 12 about the boy who is always fighting with his mom, "Feeling Desperate". When my sister was in middle school she did the same thing to my mom. She would come home from school and immediately start picking on her, yelling at her, calling her names, and trying to engage her in a fight. Their fights would sometimes last into the night. My mother was a wreck over this horrible treatment.
Finally in desperation my mom brought my sister to the therapist that she had been seeing. The therapist asked my sister point-blank why she was treating my mom this way, what was going on that made her feel like she had to act this way. My sister thought about it and said, "Things are hard at school. I don't always get the material and the teachers seem to like to make me feel stupid. Then the other kids pick on me, or talk about me behind my back. But I have to pretend like none of it bothers me, and not cry, or I'll look like a nerd. It all makes me so mad. So I come home and that's the only time I can let the anger out."
It made so much sense to my mom, yet it was a big surprise. She was able to stop taking my sister's bad behavior personally and look logically at how to make things better for my sister. Years later she still talks about this situation as one where it could have gotten better sooner if only she had been able to see what was really the problem.
I am not saying that the son of this single mum in the letter is having trouble at school, just that the problem may not be what it seems, and she should not give up looking for ways to help her son.
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