After you read this letter, submit your ideas for "Confused" in the opinions box!
Please help me! I am in love with a wonderful guy who has two kids. A 1-year old boy and a 2.5-year old girl. I love them, that's not the problem. The problem is, what should they call me when we get married? They have a mom who they still see and whom they love. The problem is what should they call me? I want it to be P.C and something they can say. But NOT ANOTHER WORD FOR MOM!!!
See what I'm going through? Thanx Bubby! Can't wait to hear what you have to say.
The children should not call you Mom or anything like it. But, they can be taught to call you either by your given name or Auntie and your name. But in all probability, as they get older, they will come up with their own version. So just love them and they will come up with a name of their own.
We just wanted to remind our sweet readers that the "comments" section of this blog is open. So if you read a letter from somone that inspires you to offer your own life wisdom, please feel free to add your opinion. Some of you have already started doing that, and we think you're sweet for it.
My daughter has a boyfriend that I don't like, because he wants to be a rapper and does not have any other aspiration in life.
My daughter has finished her bachelors degree and is working. They live in the basement of his parents. I am concerned about my daughter's future. This young man is manipulating her life in a passive way. I would like to have a good relationship with my daughter like I used to have, but she hardly visits us. She say it is because of her work but I think it is because of this young man.
All I want to see is my daughter happy and whenever I talk to her she does not sound happy. This whole thing is interfering with our relationship.
Dear Troubled Mom,
You must understand that when a girl marries, her mom moves to second place -- her husband is in the first place. Even though the new wife loves her mother, she does try to please her husband.
I think that it would be a good idea on your part if you would invite your daughter to have lunch with you alone and at that time you could iron out these incidents that are troubling you. Your daughter doesn't realize how you feel. If anything, she may wake up and give a more mature thought when she speaks with her husband.
It would also be a good idea if the two young people lived alone in their own apartment and not "in the basement of the in-laws". That would give them a chance to find their own way.
Suggest it to your daughter.
Try it it - it might be the best advice you could give them.
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He is completely different from a "normal" guy. He is old-fashioned and still believes in chivalry. He is the sweetest guy, and he loves me with all of his heart.
But I have serious jealousy issues. I am very unsocial and he is very outgoing. He is nice to all people and I fear they will take it as flirting, because in my eyes it is. He is completely honest and told me all the things from his past. It tears me apart knowing he once liked other girls, that he could have once been attracted to other girls.
I am 16, and he is 17; almost 18. He will be going to college next year in our hometown. I know my problem will only grow out of control. Everyday we fight because I thought he might have looked at another girl or talked to another girl. I get upset when there are women on t.v.!
I know how crazy this all is, but my mind just keeps putting horrible and negative thoughts in my head. He reassures me that I have nothing to worry about and he would never be disloyal to me in anyway, but I know he also realizes how badly my jealousy issues are affecting our relationship.
Help me stop my controlling thoughts!
Dear Old Soul,
I think you should get control of your emotions before it is too late. I would suggest that you see a psychologist for help. Your boyfriend must be a gem to keep reassuring you that he cares a lot about you. If you don't believe him when he tells you he cares only for you, you may really benefit from professional help.
I washed my favorite pair of slouch jeans but then ruined them by leaving them in the dryer too long. Any ideas on how I can unshrink them? Will leaving them in cold water and then air dry work?
Any help would be great.
Once threads shrink there is nothing that will bring them back. If you want to be sure that clothes will not shrink, use cold or luck warm water for washing. The water does not clean the garment - it's the rubbing that does the job.
I am a 12-year old boy. Me and my sister always get into fights and she really doesn't like me and blames me for everything! She is 14. I know there is a 2 year gap between us, but to be honest, I just want to be friends. But she just discards anything I say.
I've seen my friends have great relationships with their brothers and sisters. About a month ago she got a Ipod (music player) and it has made matters worst! Please, if you do have any ideas, please e-mail asap.
Dear Sad Brother,
I think you should have a serious talk with your sister and find out just what the trouble is between you. Ask her for some advice you might need. Take her into your confidence. Maybe she feels left out.
I know that when there is a 2 year difference between a brother and sister there are many things on which they differ. By talking it over you can come to understand each other. You can take her advice at times or ask her what to do if you have a problem.
As you get older you will find that it is good to have a sister a little older - especially when you want to know more in acting with girls.
Let me know how you make out.
Relevant Reader Update:
We thought now would be a good time to sneak in this new reader update. We just heard back from Boy Blue, who had originally written to Bubby about his mean older brother. "My brother thinks he's such a wonderful gift to the world. It drives me nuts," Boy Blue told us. Bubby advised that such a problem warranted a good long discussion with his parents. Well, that was last summer... And here's new update:
Things have been a lot better since school started up again. My parents are calmer and starting to see why I act like I do. My brother and I are much better with each other. Over all things have improved greatly.
We hope that helps you see the light at the end of tunnel, Sad Brother. Things will get better soon!
I am going through the most traumatic and most wonderful time in my life! My boyfriend of 3 years proposed to me a few months ago and upon the joyous news we received many congrats and well wishes. Well, I guess there was one not so well wisher, his mother...
His mother and I have always got along decently. I found out recently she approached my fiance and stated, "It is not to late to back out" and "You have only invested money and money is replaceable." My fiance then told his mother he loved me and wanted nothing more but to make me his wife.
My fiance told me what his mother stated, a few days later, and I immediately sparked a bunch of feelings... I asked him if he believed anything she said and he said no. He thinks she was out of line for saying that and he DOES want to be with me no matter what.
I question this because I know how tight a bond is between a mother and child. I can't help but wonder if he thinks about that in the back of his head? I am driving myself crazy wondering if his words to me are really how he feels.
Please help me, Bubby! Please tell me if I am over reacting!
Dear Over Reacting,
You are not marrying your fiance's mother. You are marrying him. So go ahead and marry him and live happily ever after.
After you are married, just be yourself and try to be as nice as can be to your mother-in-law. You and she will come to a level where you can be pleasant to one another. Your husband should help you understand his mother. At first it may be a little hard but if you work at it you will come to understand her and she will come to understand you.
Your job is to get along with your husband and the rest will fall into place. The important thing is for you and your husband to live a happy life and when your mother-in-law sees that she will come around. Remember, you just have to be civil to your mother-in-law. Gradually you will come to understand each other.
Get married, be happy.
Answer me this. I have realized that the world revolves around money. Everyday people have their tv's switched on and their gossip magazines open. I am 18 and I have a passion for creating and listening to music.
My question is, why do people not realize that it does not matter what new Versace dress some new movie star is wearing? Why do people only wish for money over everything else? Why isn't the earth full of people with great ideas, thinking together, creating something beautiful?
Dear Earth Boy,
People think about money because that is the only way you can pay for the things that you need. Our economy is made up that way. But in addition to having the here-with-all to pay for purchases, people have ways of earning that money by working in all kinds of jobs. Thousands of people go to college to learn professions and those professions give them the ability to buy whatever they need or want. You can make money in any profession that you like that will give you great satisfaction such as medicine, law, any art or any science.
What are you interested in? At 18 you are no doubt either graduating from high school or a freshman in college. What interests you most?
Let me know.
I am from India. I have been liking a boy since 6 months. This is known to a lot of people and reached the boy's ears. He then rejected me, saying that he likes my best friend. Now he and my friend are dating each other. I am feeling terrible and worthless. I am not very beautiful but my friend is. I now feel that I will not get any other boy in my life. Since I am a very shy person I can't talk to boys. Plz help.
I am 16 years old and may die if I don't get another boyfriend.
At 16 you have plenty of time to meet boys so why worry about this one that got away. He was not worth your time.
You should concentrate on your school work at this time. Develop friendships with other girls, join some clubs in which you are interested in, and you will surely meet other boys. When you get to college there will be plenty of young men, so why worry about the one who got away? He is not worth it.
You don't tell me much about yourself, so fill me in -- what you are interested in - Music? Art? What do you plan to study in college and what you are interested in now?
I am sure that you are just as pretty as any other girl your age. We each have our own charms so don't sell yourself short.
I am 17 years old, and sometimes I feel so lonely. I have had a few friends, but with none of them was I was able to share my problems and feelings with. Among my classmates I behave so reserved and shy. I hate that things are like this, but I can't do anything about it.
Most of my free time I stay at home. If there are no classes and if I go somewhere with other teenagers I always feel uncomfortable coz I try to be sociable, but no use. I want to have true friends, to find people with whom I would feel free and without complexes. I want to be happy and make others happy. I think I could be a good friend.
I have never had a boyfriend coz I haven't found someone who will understand and love me and whom I will understand and love. I know you'll say that my life is ahead of me, but sometimes I get so disappointed. I get nervous because of little things. I would like to be more indifferent to what other people do or say.
When I was younger I was mocked at rather often. Maybe this is the reason of my shyness but I am not sure.
Dear Bubby, advise me something. Tell me how to make one's dreams come true, and how to be confident in one self.
Dear Bashful Blue,
At 17 you should be able to meet friends who are much to your liking. And the only way you can achieve that is to develop them. When you meet them, smile and show that you are happy and they will be happy in return. Suggest that you go to a movie or perhaps go to a museum where you will be able to talk about what you are seeing or saw. Then suggest that you go someplace for a snack. You can talk about the events of the day. Suggest that you do this again real soon.
Follow this up with a phone call and soon you will have a friend. Do this over and over - with a smile - and soon you will have many friends.
As for boy friends, you must smile, talk to them about your school work and if you need help in any of the classes, ask one of the boys for help. Before you will know it, you will have a friend of this young man. Relax, and I am sure that before long you will have more than one boyfriend.
Take stock of your appearance. A well dressed girl will attract other girls and the boys will notice you. Give this a try and see what happens.
You helped once before regarding motherhood issues when my daughter was freshly born and I needed some help with my mother-in-law. Well, now the baby is one year and eight months old, and everything is fine.
But my happy child gave up eating abruptly after her nanny left (to have a baby of her own). She had been so easy to feed before. But now she refuses her solid food, and eventually accepts fruit and milk.
Everyone says you shouldn't push a child to eat, but it's been a week now and I am seriously nervous about it. It's hard not to demonstrate how eager I am to have her eating happily as she did before.
I asked the nanny to visit and show her affection, and I noticed how moved my baby was. I am a film editor and can't always be around... Do you have any advice on how to get my baby eating again?
Dear Hungry Mum,
I know how you feel - that your baby refuses to eat. But don't worry. If she gets hungry she will eat and not starve. Get an attractive dish, put some of her previous-liked food into the dish, give her a spoon, get some music on, or sing to her and see what happens.
My son was a poor eater and the doctor assured me that he will eat if I make eating time interesting. And it worked. You can change eating time for a change - that often helps. Do you give her any junior food? She may be ready for that now.
I doubt that she misses her babysitter to the extent that she refuses to eat. If you change the food and make it attractive she will soon be eating for her "mummy" as well as for the "sitter".
Your baby was born to eat and she will eat with a few of these changes.
Try it -- she will like it.
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Sunday's Update: Someone nicely suggested we turn Bubby's audio posts into a podcast. We didn't realize people were having difficulty hearing those posts, what a shame. But... we have no idea how to "build a podcast". We are technically intelligent, but somehow this one is flying over our heads. We are kindly requesting your help... if you can give US advice on how to set this up, we will be oh so grateful. Just send us an email.
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