Help Me, Bubby!

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Sunday, December 3, 2006
   
Reader Update

Bubby sends her best to everyone and maybe soon she can put together a little message for you all. But in the meantime, she's resting up, and you're all moving on with your lives. We know that, because, you send us Update Letters! And we love 'em.

So here's a new one (keep sending them in, please! According to our poll, it's one of your favorite parts of this site).

On September 17, 2006, we posted a letter to Bubby from "Upset Girl". She was a 24-year old, recently graduated, hopelessly-in-love young woman. Imagine that. Problem was, her boyfriend the programmer never thought about marriage. And guess what, you'll never believe it: She did! A lot. She thought about what a good husband he would make, how good of a provider he would be, how well he would continue to treat her...

But when a girl thinks about those things, A LOT, and the boyfriend does not think about those things, like, EVER... Well, a girl starts to get upset. And a girl writes to Bubby asking what she should do. And Bubby writes back, saying, "Don't push it. If you push it, it will be over. Young men are fragile. Be smart, and you will win."

Fragile? Young men are fragile? Well, we had no idea. See, you can learn something new from Bubby everyday! Now it's a few months later, and we were wondering, has "Upset Girl" pushed boyfriend over the edge, or has he found his footing and set the date? OR.... has something entirely different happened? Sshh, let's find out...


Dear Bubby,

Thank you for giving me that wisely advice. Just 2 months after my first email to you, I made a horrible decision and I had to put an end to this fatal hesitation because I was in a very bad situation mentally, so I disclosed my expectations to my boyfriend and finally I told him I had spent enough time with him and had wanted to plan for the rest of my life with him.

I mentioned my purpose in an indirect manner, but he told me he never had any plan to marry neither me nor any other girl because he was very conservative person and feared from responsibility and also very career oriented and didn't think about getting married.

Despite that his statements were like cold water on my face, I found out the truth and understood that I had enticed my self all those times I was with him. This relationship had taken over my whole world but faced a bitter truth. I have detached emotionally with him and right now I don't know what I can do with the rest of our relationship. He doesn't have any problem with continuing our relationship but I am frantic… how can I believe that I invested my time, my energy and my emotion for him without any good result that I desired?

I know the best thing to do is to walk away and get along with my own life. I know I can'’t endear my self to him any more.

By the way your blog is fantastic, I read it everyday and enjoy your nice advices. Despite I never see your lovely face, I know I always have a very especial and positive feeling toward you.

Love,
Upset Girl

Sounds like "Upset Girl" made a bold decision and asked him to step aside herself. But, she still sounds so Upset. Can any of you offer her some advice in the Comments box below so she cheers up?

Love,
the granddaughters

and



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11 OPINIONS ADDED

Tell him to hit the road, cuz there is no point in investing in an already bankrupt relationship ... don't stay just because it is easy & comfortable because you'll end up losing yourself and a lot of precious time that you cannot regain. That's my 2 cents ... good luck!

By Blogger Bananahead, at 12:59 AM  

Upset Girl,

I have just left a similar relationship and I have discovered that if it was ment to be then you were neve ment to be placed in this horrible situation.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:22 PM  

Don't see the relationship as having been a waste of your time and emotions. EVERY relationship, even bad ones, teaches you something. Maybe about yourself, or the way other people are or the way you interact with other people.

Feeling you've wasted your time will make you feel so hopeless because you can't get it back. It's life experience and it makes you a better and wiser person, despite the pain.

Why do you think Bubby is as wise as she is? Life!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:51 PM  

I went through the same situation 25 years ago. I was crazy in love with a guy who didn't want to commit. After pushing for two years for what I wanted (a committed relationship), I moved to another state to pursue a new job. Two years later I got engaged to a new guy. My old boyfriend heard about my engagement, drove to the new state where I was working, and asked me to marry him. I said no and married the new guy. We've been happily married for 17 years. While I still feel sad that the first relationship didn't work out, I now see that cutting it off freed me to start a new loving relationship. Dump the jerk!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:47 PM  

Yeah sweetheart , this relationship isnt going where you want it to go. You cant change him or how he feels so unless he is ready to commit then find someone else, you deserve to find the one

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:25 AM  

Men like women because of testosterone. Men would spend all their time with other men, except that they have this hormone.

If you have been sexual, then he's getting what he wants. Why should he work at his relationship with you when he's already getting what he wants?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:03 AM  

Yes, you have to move on - I was in a similar relationship recently - these guys just can't feel and I think it's an issue for them - feel sad, grieve, but move on and go after what you want. It's his loss and you can't help him get his life together. You move on and do good for yourself and find the love you need and deserve!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:34 PM  

It is time to move on! I was this same guy until my current wife came along. If he feels this way now, it will not change for you. My feelings for never getting married only changed after my first date with my love!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:38 PM  

My dear sweet girl. You have been happy and so you will be again. Love has no time limit, but you clearly have yours, this is perfectly alright. You must however realize that though you have invested in this young man you are not left emotionally bankrupt. You have learned a valuable lesson and you are young enough to begin a new relationship, engagement and marriage several times over. Nothing is ever going to turn out exactly as you had planned and you must look at this for what it is and take it for what it is worth. Do you want to marry someone who does not want to marry you or anyone else...I think not. There will be others and you are different because of it. Be thankful you provided yourself with and out and take it. Best of luck on your journey. bk

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:50 PM  

personally.. i would let go... move on with my life... see if he comes back after i say its over... if he comes back and wants what you want.id stay (sometimes you have to scare a man to change his ways) and if he doesnt.. move on happilly because then u know its not meant to be...

By Anonymous whitee tightee, at 2:38 AM  

An old saying is that 'every woman has exactly the love life that she desires'. Please examine your motivations to determine why you desire this bad situation subconsciously? Make a firm decision to know what you want (write it down), and leave this man and get what you want. Be open with the next man in your life, tell him you are seeking a husband who will be your partner in life. Too bad if they don't like it. LOTS of men want that, believe it or not. This approach has helped me in my life, I am married to a man who wants to be my life partner.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:57 PM  

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"Help Me, Bubby!" Disclaimer
By submitting a letter to this website, you grant Help Me, Bubby! permission to publish it on this site or elsewhere including print publications. Your letter will only include an anonymous signature that you provide or that we use to substitute for your real name. Your email address will never be included or distributed. Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that a letter will be responded to. Any information or advice given at Help Me, Bubby! is not intended to provide an alternative to professional medical treatment or to replace the advice or services of a physician or psychiatrist. Neither Bubby nor her granddaughters are professional therapists or medical experts. If you have any serious medical or mental problem, please consult a professional. Although all this advice is offered lovingly from the heart and in good spirit, we are not responsible in any way for your decision to accept or reject the advice or the results thereafter.

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Bubby is our 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93 94 year old grandmother.
A few years ago we introduced her to the internet and we've been getting daily e-mails from her ever since. When she was 87, we began this website. We now believe she is the oldest blogger on the Internet.

Whether Bubby is reminding us that boyfriends do not substitute for warm jackets in the winter, or that it's better to receive a compliment than a brick, she always has something to say to her granddaughters.

Now with this new website, Bubby can finally share her wisdom with the rest of the world. And she's excited about it! (Which confuses us, because she used to say we were all she needed.)

Hopefully this will be as much fun for new readers as it will surely be for her. And if not, well, as Bubby says, it will all come out in the wash.

So, are you looking for advice on food, work, a broken heart, or the perfect bat mitzvah present?

But no dirty words allowed or you'll only get one matzah ball.


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